February 25, 2009

My new friend Renae Norgaard introduced me to this verse today.

Isaiah 29:13
Then the Lord said,"Because [Ezek 33:31; Matt 15:8, 9; Mark 7:6, 7] this people draw near with their words. And honor Me with their lip service,But they remove their hearts far from Me, And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote…

Isaiah 29:13 (King James Version)

Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men:

Isaiah 29:13 (English Standard)
¹³And the Lord said:"Because this people draw near with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
while their hearts are far from me,
and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men…

Isaiah 29:13 (New International Version)

13 The Lord says:

"These people come near to me with their mouth

and honor me with their lips,

but their hearts are far from me.

Their worship of me

is made up only of rules taught by men.

I have a lot of thoughts on tradition right now. As a culture we assume that because something is tradition, it must be right. The people who have gone before us and established those traditions must have done so for a reason, right? But what about communion? At church, we solemnly sit at our seats waiting for the tiny pieces of bread and cups of wine to be passed to us, or we stand in a long line waiting for the piece of bread to dip into the wine, all the while knowing we must be silent and respectful. I never even understood what communion was for until a few weeks ago and I’ve been doing it all my life. Now I know we do it to mourn the death of Jesus.

Like Donald Miller said, what if the disciples fast forwarded hundreds of years to our day and age, and saw us solemnly taking the bread and the wine, every third week? I think they would be dumbfounded. I can only imagine that in their day they were all sitting around someone’s home, swapping stories about their good times with Jesus, with some of them laughing, some of them crying because they miss Him. Somewhere along the line, as we started to forget that Jesus was a man, we thought we had to do this weird, quiet ritual out of RESPECT and HONOR, and that’s what it has become today. COMMUNION. Breaking the word down, I think of Come into Union with God. Is that what I’ve been doing all these years when the bread and the wine get passed down the row to me at church? And is the way we do it necessarily holy? Do we get so into our man-made tradition that we forget that God is at the heart of it? God is at the center of it all. In our current Christian culture, I think many of us have lost sight of this beautiful truth.

Also…structure. Our churches have structure. We walk in, we hear some announcements, we sing, we pray, we listen, we pray, we sing again, and then we leave. Where’s the community? Where’s the part where we share our lives and pour into others and have them pour into us? Nothing about this is necessarily wrong, but I feel like our modern day church is missing so much. I see a lot of churches pulling away from this structure, or this formula we’ve been following, which I think is good just because it stretches us and challenges us to find new ways to worship, or perhaps…old ways to worship. More community, less formula.

Is God really all about structure though? It seems to me that Jesus was one of the most abstract people that ever walked the earth. At least the Pharisees seemed to think so, and some people didn’t know what to do with him. “Leave everything and come follow me.” What kind of structure is that? It’s Faith. Does faith have structure? I have never said, “Tomorrow, God is going to ask something really hard of me, and I’m ready for it.” I’m hardly ever ready for anything the Lord challenges me with! And it’s hardly ever easy because He knows how to challenge my heart.

Speaking of which…another thought: I have this new idea (thank you Renae Norgaard for the beginnings of this new idea) that when God brings me back around to things that I’ve sworn to never do, He is just being the role of an incredible Father. Is He just refining me, and not punishing me? Is he making me more like Him? I think so. I never thought of it this way before, but I really think that’s what he’s doing. The finest example I have of this is what’s going on in my life right now. Pete and I feel called to live in St. Louis for the next year, starting in July. It is a place I swore to never return, and I let everyone know that when I left, I was gone for good. As usual, I underestimated what the Lord would someday ask of me. When the time came, four years later, for the Lord to propose to me that I need to go back there to help my sister, I was a little angry because I couldn’t believe that my Loving Heavenly Father wanted me to return to a place with so much leftover pain and bad memories. But the Lord Is So Good. He has already been preparing the way by healing some past bad relationships, and they no longer have their grip on me. He has freed me from bondage that I didn’t even want to face a few months ago. He has healed a relationship that I never thought was capable of being healed. Now, when I think of moving back for a year, I don’t have that nagging sense of dread that I once had. Of course, it’s no Hawaii, but every seasons has a purpose under Heaven. I am slowly by surely learning that the Lord is capable of anything- changing my heart, changing other’s hearts, healing broken relationships, stripping me of my pride, and giving me so much joy in the areas of life I didn’t know I could find it.

February 11, 2009

I crave adventure. So to satisfy my craving, or maybe to help me understand that a mellow life is also nice, the Lord let me survive a tornado.

That would be an awesome metaphor or symbolic meaning, and only if it were...but instead I have the memory of literally being amidst a tornado in central Springfield.

Now, to be clear on how dramatic this Isn't, it's not that my home is gone and my dog is dead and all I have is now debris...nothing like that. I happened to be in my car, with my friend Callie in her car behind me, going from one friend's house to another. We'd been having crazy storms all day, but all of a sudden, the wind really picked up and the rain started going a million different directions, and I felt my car rocking on its wheels, tempting my car to fly away. As I started to feel a little panicked, a huge sign, as big as an interstate exit sign, flew in front of my car, along with all kinds of other debris- fences, metal, chairs, anything and everything. Looking ahead, I saw the traffic lights flicker and then shut off. I felt a huge change in pressure, and started frantically looking around for a tornado to appear and sweep me into the air. I decided that the place I was in currently was definitely not a good one, so I gunned it a little and started moving again. The traffic lights were swaying dramatically above me, and ahead of me was a huge tree blocking my side of the road. There was a lawn chair, a fence, and gigantic branches barricading the street. There was destruction and disaster everywhere. I called Callie, practically in hysterics, to make sure she was alright, and she was just as freaked out as I was. Were we in a tornado? Was it just ultra strong winds? We knew it was more than wind but couldn't pin anything down, except for that everything was flying around us and hitting our cars. I was expecting St. John's hospital on my left to come barreling at me any minute, and I knew I'd be a goner. I had never contemplated losing my life before like this. I knew that anything could come crashing through my window and decapitate me, so I kept moving and didn't stop moving until we got to our destination (where it was considerably calmer), jumped out of our cars, hugged and shook and hugged some more.

The next morning, on the news, I read that an F1 tornado touched down one street west of where Callie and I were driving at 10:50 p.m. How's that for adventure?

February 11, 2009

I crave adventure. So to satisfy my craving, the Lord let me survive a tornado.

That would be an awesome metaphor or symbolic meaning, and only if it were...but instead I have the memory of literally being amidst a tornado in central Springfield.

Now, to be clear on how dramatic this Isn't, it's not that my home is gone and my dog is dead and all I have is now debris...nothing like that. I happened to be in my car, with my friend Callie in her car behind me, going from one end of town to the other. We'd been having crazy storms all day, but all of a sudden, the wind really picked up and the rain started going a million different directions, and I felt my car rocking on its wheels. As I started to feel a little panicked, a huge sign, as big as an interstate exit sign, flew in front of my car, along with all kinds of other debris- fences, metal, chairs, anything and everything. Looking ahead, I saw the traffic lights flicker and then shut off. I felt a huge change in pressure, and started frantically looking around for a tornado to appear and sweep me into the air. I decided that the place I was in currently was definitely not a good one, so I gunned it a little and started moving again. The traffic lights were swaying dramatically above me, and ahead of me was a huge tree blocking my side of the road. There was a lawn chair, a fence, and gigantic branches barricading the street. I called Callie, practically in hysterics, to make sure she was alright, and she was just as freaked out as I was. Were we in a tornado? Was it just ultra strong winds? We knew it was more than wind but couldn't pin anything down, except for that everything was flying around us and hitting our cars. I was expecting St. John's hospital on my left to come barreling at me any minute, and I knew I'd be a goner. I had never contemplated losing my life before like this. I knew that anything could come crashing through my window and decapitate me, so I kept moving and didn't stop moving until we got to our destination (where it was considerably calmer), jumped out of our cars, hugged and shook and hugged some more.

The next morning, on the news, I read that an F1 tornado touched down one street west of where Callie and I were driving at 10:50 p.m. How's that for adventure?

February 4, 2009

You know your man loves you when...

His big surprise to you is a hair cut at your favorite salon; his big plans for the day consist of any board games you want to play; he helps you clean your tables at the restaurant you work in, along with his own; he does his hair the way you like it; he's patient when you're snappy; he gives you "replenishing your soul" time after a hard night's work, even though he's ready to just hang out with you; he opens your door every single time you drive anywhere; he uses his best hand writing on this month's budget; he lovingly reminds you to take your vitamins...twelve times; he lets you vent about irritations and the small things of life that grate on you; he lets you play your favorite songs over and over and over again and never says a word...

I don't give my husband as much credit as he deserves; What a great man he is, and how often I forget to tell him. Or, ashamedly, I forget myself that a man like him is NOT normal in these times. I have found my best friend in him, my companion, "bones of my bones, and flesh of my flesh"...the most powerful description ever used! I've found a man that doesn't need me to lead him in order for him to lead me...and it's such a beautiful thing to be led.

Lyrics of my life...

Music is a window into the soul...at least mine. As I was listening to a song by John Waller, his lyrics spoke to my heart. This is where I am, and what I'm trying to do, because blissfully Waiting in and of itself is not enough. Waiting for an answer from the Lord is excruciating for a person who wants immediate results. I am so impatient.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I will move ahead,
bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

Also discovered a new love for the song Love Is Not A Fight by Warren Barfield. Coming from a family that fought just to fight, and didn't know how else to communicate, this song speaks volumes to my heart! Just listening to it brings relief because...well, I'm not really sure why, but a peace transcends me, and I just want to sit back and listen to it...I got it. It's because it's TRUTH being spoken. That's why I feel such relief. It's just Truth, plain and simple.

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave

Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send His angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for.