As another chapter of my life starts to end, I realize how old I am. How many beginnings and endings I've already experienced and how many more are yet to come. Many more are to come than have passed. :) In 8 days I'll be homeless & jobless, and in 23 days I'll be on a beach in a new place, where I'll know exactly 5 people. Exciting & a little scary.
It's Christmas Eve and my only plans are to work in a restaurant from 4-8 and then come home to my sweet husband. Christmas day, instead of presents, we're going to paint and talk and eat grapefruit and listen to Christmas music. We'll dream of Hawaii and look outside and see snow, and we'll realize how beautiful it is. Especially since it will be the last time we see it for a long while.
Merry Christmas :)
12.24.2009
11.19.2009
2 chickens, a confused family, &....Christmas?
How do I explain to my family that my husband wants 2 chickens for Christmas this year? And how do I explain that it's not an unreasonable request?
Every year, the Robinson family gets together in Indiana the day after Christmas. The brothers and sisters do a gift exchange- having drawn names two months prior. I've never especially liked this tradition because I feel like it's an elaborate show of who got who the better present--and I always stink at getting people presents- so naturally, gift exchanges such as these are not my forte. I go in circles about it- 'it doesn't matter if someone else's gift is better, mine comes from the heart, blah blah blah' -when usually I go with the same present of a picture in a frame or something that is supposed to mean something. It's safe.
You know what's not safe? Asking for 2 chickens to be donated in your name to a family through World Vision. Now that's a hard email to write. How do you even begin to explain the concept to a family that's all about giving presents to each other in front of everyone else? What will they present in person? A certificate that says, "I gave 2 ducks in Pete's name to World Vision and now they won't stop sending me crap." I'm at a loss of how this will play out.
But even more than my concern of how this will go over with the giver of Pete's present, I love that my husband wants 2 chickens to be given to a family. Leave it up to Pete to pinpoint what Christmas is all about. Sacrifice. Gifts. Birth. Life. Wonder. (I didn't mention Jesus but it's implied for anyone who wants to critique me.) I ask myself how much more complicated it was the night of Jesus' birth...for Mary, for Joseph, for the world. A lot more complicated than asking for 2 chickens.
Every year, the Robinson family gets together in Indiana the day after Christmas. The brothers and sisters do a gift exchange- having drawn names two months prior. I've never especially liked this tradition because I feel like it's an elaborate show of who got who the better present--and I always stink at getting people presents- so naturally, gift exchanges such as these are not my forte. I go in circles about it- 'it doesn't matter if someone else's gift is better, mine comes from the heart, blah blah blah' -when usually I go with the same present of a picture in a frame or something that is supposed to mean something. It's safe.
You know what's not safe? Asking for 2 chickens to be donated in your name to a family through World Vision. Now that's a hard email to write. How do you even begin to explain the concept to a family that's all about giving presents to each other in front of everyone else? What will they present in person? A certificate that says, "I gave 2 ducks in Pete's name to World Vision and now they won't stop sending me crap." I'm at a loss of how this will play out.
But even more than my concern of how this will go over with the giver of Pete's present, I love that my husband wants 2 chickens to be given to a family. Leave it up to Pete to pinpoint what Christmas is all about. Sacrifice. Gifts. Birth. Life. Wonder. (I didn't mention Jesus but it's implied for anyone who wants to critique me.) I ask myself how much more complicated it was the night of Jesus' birth...for Mary, for Joseph, for the world. A lot more complicated than asking for 2 chickens.
11.12.2009
I think walks are spiritual.
Especially when you have an ipod to make your life seem like a movie. I'm not an ipod person but today I gave it a try and I never realized how much the songs represented the soundtrack to my walk/my life. I forget the first song that came on but it made me walk a little faster, hold my head a litte higher, and it put a bounce in my step.
I walked from my loft to the arch, and around the arch grounds for 40 minutes. "Simple Kind of Man" came on, and even though I'm not a man, the song really inspired me as I walked between the Arch and river. I passed a gentleman sitting on a bench, eating his lunch- alone- and seriously almost cried. Sometimes I get like that. Everything has to be tuned just right for me to get that emotional that fast...and I think it was the mixture of the warm sun, the chill of the breeze, the song, and the scenery. And the fact that I'm about to begin a new chapter in my life.
And then, Usher came on...and all I wanted to do was bust out and dance- like in the movies. I wanted to raise my arms and twist my body and make my feet do crazy things, but instead, I put a little extra bounce in my step and continued walking. I jogged up and down the arch steps a few times to Tobymac singing about how Slim needs Christ, and then stretched my legs as the skyline of St. Louis stretched out before me. I realized how few the times would be that I would see this skyline and I appreciated it in a new way. Living in a city has been an awesome experience.
Heading home, I got a little Lowww Ride-errr going as I passed all the Indian taxi drivers huddling on their street corner. The song was cramping my mood a little bit so I hit Next, hoping to find just the right one.
Appropriately, when I walked in the doors of my apartment building, Grits "My Life Be Like" started jammin' in my ears, and life just couldn't be better. I danced to the elevators (I just couldn't contain it anymore!), pressed the up button in style, and rode up 14 floors nodding my head, feeling the beat. I danced all-out to the laundry room, got my laundry out of the dryer- all the while my feet moving every which way- and then hit the hallway to my loft still feeling that crazy beat. I opened the door, stepped inside, and LET LOOSE!!!!! I haven't danced like that in years. Not in YEARS! Man, I even tried break dancing. I danced and danced and turned in circles and hit the floor and did roundhouse kicks until Grits knew it was time for me to quit and ended their song. Thank goodness too, because I think I almost died a few times trying to spin on my head.
I guess the moral of the story is, walks are great. And apparently, so are ipods. Who knew?
Especially when you have an ipod to make your life seem like a movie. I'm not an ipod person but today I gave it a try and I never realized how much the songs represented the soundtrack to my walk/my life. I forget the first song that came on but it made me walk a little faster, hold my head a litte higher, and it put a bounce in my step.
I walked from my loft to the arch, and around the arch grounds for 40 minutes. "Simple Kind of Man" came on, and even though I'm not a man, the song really inspired me as I walked between the Arch and river. I passed a gentleman sitting on a bench, eating his lunch- alone- and seriously almost cried. Sometimes I get like that. Everything has to be tuned just right for me to get that emotional that fast...and I think it was the mixture of the warm sun, the chill of the breeze, the song, and the scenery. And the fact that I'm about to begin a new chapter in my life.
And then, Usher came on...and all I wanted to do was bust out and dance- like in the movies. I wanted to raise my arms and twist my body and make my feet do crazy things, but instead, I put a little extra bounce in my step and continued walking. I jogged up and down the arch steps a few times to Tobymac singing about how Slim needs Christ, and then stretched my legs as the skyline of St. Louis stretched out before me. I realized how few the times would be that I would see this skyline and I appreciated it in a new way. Living in a city has been an awesome experience.
Heading home, I got a little Lowww Ride-errr going as I passed all the Indian taxi drivers huddling on their street corner. The song was cramping my mood a little bit so I hit Next, hoping to find just the right one.
Appropriately, when I walked in the doors of my apartment building, Grits "My Life Be Like" started jammin' in my ears, and life just couldn't be better. I danced to the elevators (I just couldn't contain it anymore!), pressed the up button in style, and rode up 14 floors nodding my head, feeling the beat. I danced all-out to the laundry room, got my laundry out of the dryer- all the while my feet moving every which way- and then hit the hallway to my loft still feeling that crazy beat. I opened the door, stepped inside, and LET LOOSE!!!!! I haven't danced like that in years. Not in YEARS! Man, I even tried break dancing. I danced and danced and turned in circles and hit the floor and did roundhouse kicks until Grits knew it was time for me to quit and ended their song. Thank goodness too, because I think I almost died a few times trying to spin on my head.
I guess the moral of the story is, walks are great. And apparently, so are ipods. Who knew?
11.06.2009
Change is on the horizon
Some people are creatures of habit. Doing the same routine, day after day, is what brings them comfort.
Not me. I am a creature of change. I thrive on environment change, culture shock, meeting new people groups, and hopefully through all that, growing into wisdom. Staying in one place too long, I get restless, and ready to move again. Some of that, in my opinion, isn't healthy. Constantly wanting to get up and get going probably stems from some past negative thing that affects me now. No matter what the cause, I'm a restless spirit and always have been.
Not wanting to diagnose myself, I'm simply going to accept it. My hope is that I'm also learning how to be content in whatever environment I'm in. Moving back to St. Louis has taught me much about being content in a place I didn't especially want to move back to. A lot of hard memories happened in this place, both in my childhood and my youth, and I felt like revisiting this place would make me revisit those memories. I'm better at running. But for once, I stayed. And I've learned a lot. And I've found that sometimes revisiting a painful past actually brings a lot of good to the table.
Having said all that, I am so excited that a new change is on the horizon. At long last, Pete and I are moving to the island of Oahu, in Hawaii. I can't even begin to express how thrilled I am at this adventure that's going to begin in January, this new chapter in our lives. We're turning a page and writing a story, and this story's scene is going to be in the middle of the Pacific! I'm ecstatic. And nervous.
I just finished Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years this very morning. [Read it, it's magnificent, as usual.] It got me thinking about the story of our lives, and how each chapter of our life has a scene and sometimes the scene is what makes it memorable. There are just so many great thoughts about pulling other people into your story, and actually making a story for yourself. So many people don't, myself included. I'm not saying moving to Hawaii is going to be the story...but let me tell you, I am so psyched to have any kind of story on an island with palm trees and white sandy beaches. I am so excited to witness a different kind of Beauty- a kind that's so majestic and pure- and to wake up many mornings to watch the sunrise over the beach, only to also watch it set again into the ocean the same night. I'm excited to have a new family around all the time, getting to know them and becoming a part of their community.
There's just so much to see and do in life. Part of the blessing of being a creature of change is that I want to experience it ALL! I want to see everything the Lord has laid out for us and to see what he's created that blesses our eyes so richly.
Not me. I am a creature of change. I thrive on environment change, culture shock, meeting new people groups, and hopefully through all that, growing into wisdom. Staying in one place too long, I get restless, and ready to move again. Some of that, in my opinion, isn't healthy. Constantly wanting to get up and get going probably stems from some past negative thing that affects me now. No matter what the cause, I'm a restless spirit and always have been.
Not wanting to diagnose myself, I'm simply going to accept it. My hope is that I'm also learning how to be content in whatever environment I'm in. Moving back to St. Louis has taught me much about being content in a place I didn't especially want to move back to. A lot of hard memories happened in this place, both in my childhood and my youth, and I felt like revisiting this place would make me revisit those memories. I'm better at running. But for once, I stayed. And I've learned a lot. And I've found that sometimes revisiting a painful past actually brings a lot of good to the table.
Having said all that, I am so excited that a new change is on the horizon. At long last, Pete and I are moving to the island of Oahu, in Hawaii. I can't even begin to express how thrilled I am at this adventure that's going to begin in January, this new chapter in our lives. We're turning a page and writing a story, and this story's scene is going to be in the middle of the Pacific! I'm ecstatic. And nervous.
I just finished Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years this very morning. [Read it, it's magnificent, as usual.] It got me thinking about the story of our lives, and how each chapter of our life has a scene and sometimes the scene is what makes it memorable. There are just so many great thoughts about pulling other people into your story, and actually making a story for yourself. So many people don't, myself included. I'm not saying moving to Hawaii is going to be the story...but let me tell you, I am so psyched to have any kind of story on an island with palm trees and white sandy beaches. I am so excited to witness a different kind of Beauty- a kind that's so majestic and pure- and to wake up many mornings to watch the sunrise over the beach, only to also watch it set again into the ocean the same night. I'm excited to have a new family around all the time, getting to know them and becoming a part of their community.
There's just so much to see and do in life. Part of the blessing of being a creature of change is that I want to experience it ALL! I want to see everything the Lord has laid out for us and to see what he's created that blesses our eyes so richly.
10.29.2009
a short rant
I just want to say that I am so sick of hearing [Christ-following] people say that the only thing that matters in life is what makes you happy. Is that really what the Bible teaches us? If I've gotten anything from God's Word, it's that life. is. not. about. us. We are not larger than life and we are not larger than Jesus and if that's the way it is then Jesus had no reason to die on the cross for us. He didn't die for us that we could live life whatever way we wanted to, only living to please ourselves. LIFE IS BIGGER THAN YOU AND ME!!!!!! If we all could just remember that and try to live more for each other than for ourselves, I think life could be so great and so different. Life is so small when we make it all about us.
10.13.2009
10.13.09
One thing I love in life is family. In my melancholy mood this morning, I watched my favorite part of the movie The Family Stone- the part at the very end when all the kids are in their parents' home, waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. The father ascends the stairs and says, "Merry Christmas granddaughter." She says, "Merry Christmas grandfather." Then, the brothers get in a fight over a girl, casseroles get spilled, the kids want to open presents, everyone figures out who loves who, the Christmas music plays. The next scene shows the following Christmas, with everyone all together again (except for their mother, who passed away from cancer), and they're all standing around the tree with their arms around their loved ones.
What I love about this picture is family loving each other- no divorces, no separations- and everything is just so pure and whole. And right. And what I love about this is that someday, I'll be a mom and Pete will be a dad and we will create this for our family. What I don't love about this is that I'll never experience it from any other role except as Mother. I'll never be the grandchild impatiently waiting for presents to be opened. I'll never be the child who watched Meet Me In St. Louis on Christmas Eve with my brothers and sisters as my parents slept together upstairs. While I'm thrilled to create this loving environment void of divorce, I wish it could have lasted in my life beyond 13 years.
- - -
I never remember how Fall makes me feel until Fall is back, and I'm once again depressed and joyful at the same time. Today was such an up and down roller coaster of emotions that I just didn't know what to do with myself. I thought I was going crazy. Thoughts like the ones above kept spilling over the edge and I'd see an old person and almost cry. Dark purple leaves made me tear up today.
And then there was a $2 tip, an impatient work manager, sports traffic, and then...some chocolate and a best friend who talked me down as I sat in that traffic about to T-bone the car blocking my way home.
I love best friends.
Now, as I'm sitting here with my other best friend- my husband- and watching mulled apple cider candles flicker in the dark, listening to the rain rolling in, I realize nothing could be better. The cloudy days of fall sometimes take their toll on me, but at the same time, I absolutely love this time. Not just the trees that are on fire with color but the feeling I get when I bundle up in just-warm-enough clothes and sip Starbucks caramel apple spice, and sit at my laptop jotting down all my mushy thoughts about Fall and Life and Love and Families.
This is about where it ends today. There's really no closure in my mind, so I'm afraid there will be no closure on my blog either.
What I love about this picture is family loving each other- no divorces, no separations- and everything is just so pure and whole. And right. And what I love about this is that someday, I'll be a mom and Pete will be a dad and we will create this for our family. What I don't love about this is that I'll never experience it from any other role except as Mother. I'll never be the grandchild impatiently waiting for presents to be opened. I'll never be the child who watched Meet Me In St. Louis on Christmas Eve with my brothers and sisters as my parents slept together upstairs. While I'm thrilled to create this loving environment void of divorce, I wish it could have lasted in my life beyond 13 years.
- - -
I never remember how Fall makes me feel until Fall is back, and I'm once again depressed and joyful at the same time. Today was such an up and down roller coaster of emotions that I just didn't know what to do with myself. I thought I was going crazy. Thoughts like the ones above kept spilling over the edge and I'd see an old person and almost cry. Dark purple leaves made me tear up today.
And then there was a $2 tip, an impatient work manager, sports traffic, and then...some chocolate and a best friend who talked me down as I sat in that traffic about to T-bone the car blocking my way home.
I love best friends.
Now, as I'm sitting here with my other best friend- my husband- and watching mulled apple cider candles flicker in the dark, listening to the rain rolling in, I realize nothing could be better. The cloudy days of fall sometimes take their toll on me, but at the same time, I absolutely love this time. Not just the trees that are on fire with color but the feeling I get when I bundle up in just-warm-enough clothes and sip Starbucks caramel apple spice, and sit at my laptop jotting down all my mushy thoughts about Fall and Life and Love and Families.
This is about where it ends today. There's really no closure in my mind, so I'm afraid there will be no closure on my blog either.
9.24.2009
Thoughts on Thoughts...on Thoughts
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the things I think. Profound, I know. The more I think, the more I'm disappointed that I've been Thinking so much of my life, and not Doing. I'm a firm believer that if you really believe something, you'll put your beliefs into action. "What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do." [Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz] That's not proof that I'm right, but Don just says it so well, that I can't help but quote him. That thought has always stuck with me because it's how I want to live.
So all this thinking has lead to more thinking and lots of pondering and lots of questioning and now I'm just kind of tired of myself and my thoughts. That happens to me a lot.
Where I work, I've met some folks who have some very different beliefs than my own. I'm friends with a Mormon, friends with an atheist, and friends with a few Catholics who sometimes think about God. I got to talking with my friend Missy the Mormon last night, and she was so amazingly kind in telling me what she believes and why she believes it. In the middle of our conversation, our Atheist friend said, "I think that if there really is a God, and if he really does care about you, he's not gonna send you to hell." That got me thinking about in this day and age, we think it's all about us. Our happiness is the only thing that matters. We forget there's a greater picture and that in a few decades we'll be dead and then in a century or so we'll be completely forgotten. (This is not a new thought...I think, or at least hope, America is starting to realize the audacity of the "me" situation.) My mother-in-law thinks it's all about her right now, as she's going through a divorce, and foregoing the thought that perhaps marriage is supposed to make us holy, and not just happy. What's even worse is that my life blares on speakers that the only thing I care about is me, because I think about myself 99.9% of the day- my schedule, my make-up, my e-mails, my money, my friends, my goals, my workout, my food, my happiness, my, oh my.
What if, for one day, I thought about nothing- absolutely Nothing- that has to do with myself? Is that even possible? What if I put every effort into solely thinking about other people- people at work, the homeless, my neighbors, my husband, my friends. Would people see Christ more in that day than in my whole lifetime?
My thoughts are erratic and this I know but it's only because my thoughts are my thoughts and this is the long road to being at peace again. Except this time, I don't want to be at peace in the same place I started.
So all this thinking has lead to more thinking and lots of pondering and lots of questioning and now I'm just kind of tired of myself and my thoughts. That happens to me a lot.
Where I work, I've met some folks who have some very different beliefs than my own. I'm friends with a Mormon, friends with an atheist, and friends with a few Catholics who sometimes think about God. I got to talking with my friend Missy the Mormon last night, and she was so amazingly kind in telling me what she believes and why she believes it. In the middle of our conversation, our Atheist friend said, "I think that if there really is a God, and if he really does care about you, he's not gonna send you to hell." That got me thinking about in this day and age, we think it's all about us. Our happiness is the only thing that matters. We forget there's a greater picture and that in a few decades we'll be dead and then in a century or so we'll be completely forgotten. (This is not a new thought...I think, or at least hope, America is starting to realize the audacity of the "me" situation.) My mother-in-law thinks it's all about her right now, as she's going through a divorce, and foregoing the thought that perhaps marriage is supposed to make us holy, and not just happy. What's even worse is that my life blares on speakers that the only thing I care about is me, because I think about myself 99.9% of the day- my schedule, my make-up, my e-mails, my money, my friends, my goals, my workout, my food, my happiness, my, oh my.
What if, for one day, I thought about nothing- absolutely Nothing- that has to do with myself? Is that even possible? What if I put every effort into solely thinking about other people- people at work, the homeless, my neighbors, my husband, my friends. Would people see Christ more in that day than in my whole lifetime?
My thoughts are erratic and this I know but it's only because my thoughts are my thoughts and this is the long road to being at peace again. Except this time, I don't want to be at peace in the same place I started.
7.09.2009
This vs. That
This (being the Fairview Heights, IL Olive Garden & life in general):
We're settling in to our new life here in St. Louis with ease (mostly) and excitement (usually). We are loving that we live in the city in which an All-Star game is going to be played! Walking to the stadium is an awesome aspect. It's going to be a super fun week with Fanfest and the big Game (which we hope to go to if we can find people selling tickets for under $60) and we just love how the city bustles right now. There's hope here- hope for a job I can walk to (TGIFriday's is looking promising and somehow, they make more than we make at Olive Garden), and hope for a city adventure.
As far as Olive Garden goes- what a change from what we're used to! There is sidework here. Servers do what the bussers did back at our old OG- we refill ice, glasses, restock refrigerators, check sections, COUNT OUR SUGARS....I kid you not. We have to count our sugars. 12 of each kind but 10 of splenda. Ridiculous! I found that detail amusing until I got really sick of it...on my second night. However, to make up for this, bussers don't expect us to pre-bus our tables, and even clean our very last table of the night. Love that! Our managers are more laid back, not nearly as stressed, and the clientel seems to be of a higher class. Most of my tips have been above 20% and it's rare that I'll get anything lower. Love that!
All in all, we've been fitting in well. It's really fun when other servers figure out that Pete and I are "together"- they get really excited and start saying, "Oh you two are so cute!" for the rest of the night. I had forgotten that we went through that little phase at our Springfield Olive Garden as well. I've been teasing Pete lately about, when we first meet people, they always say to us, "Ok, now you're Pete...and your name is..."- they look at me and draw a blank. "Liz. It's Liz." I say. But we assume it's because Pete is a tall beast and I'm just normal. :)
We miss our friends with a passion. Sitting on our rooftop tonight, with our legs dangling in the pool, we agreed that we wished Adam, Ashley, Callie, and Ben were with us. That would have been simply lovely. I noticed two girls with a bottle of wine between them, talking like old friends, taking in the view, and I longed for Ashley and Callie. Minus the wine and plus some daquiris, that could have been us. I also wished for those two when I was soaking up the sun today- a favorite pasttime among us.
Pete just informed me that within 50 years, the world will have hit a peak and will lose a ton of our technology. Bye-bye to internet, and we're all going to go back a hundred years. He really thinks that. I just wanted to document here in case it happens, and he can say, "I told you so." But then again, if all that's true, this won't be here for him to say that. So nevermind. Welcome to the dialogue of the Keizer's- can I just point out that as I am writing this, this tall beast of mine is sitting next to me, eating dry romaince lettuce, thinking these thoughts about the internet and relaying them to me.
Gotta love that!
We're settling in to our new life here in St. Louis with ease (mostly) and excitement (usually). We are loving that we live in the city in which an All-Star game is going to be played! Walking to the stadium is an awesome aspect. It's going to be a super fun week with Fanfest and the big Game (which we hope to go to if we can find people selling tickets for under $60) and we just love how the city bustles right now. There's hope here- hope for a job I can walk to (TGIFriday's is looking promising and somehow, they make more than we make at Olive Garden), and hope for a city adventure.
As far as Olive Garden goes- what a change from what we're used to! There is sidework here. Servers do what the bussers did back at our old OG- we refill ice, glasses, restock refrigerators, check sections, COUNT OUR SUGARS....I kid you not. We have to count our sugars. 12 of each kind but 10 of splenda. Ridiculous! I found that detail amusing until I got really sick of it...on my second night. However, to make up for this, bussers don't expect us to pre-bus our tables, and even clean our very last table of the night. Love that! Our managers are more laid back, not nearly as stressed, and the clientel seems to be of a higher class. Most of my tips have been above 20% and it's rare that I'll get anything lower. Love that!
All in all, we've been fitting in well. It's really fun when other servers figure out that Pete and I are "together"- they get really excited and start saying, "Oh you two are so cute!" for the rest of the night. I had forgotten that we went through that little phase at our Springfield Olive Garden as well. I've been teasing Pete lately about, when we first meet people, they always say to us, "Ok, now you're Pete...and your name is..."- they look at me and draw a blank. "Liz. It's Liz." I say. But we assume it's because Pete is a tall beast and I'm just normal. :)
We miss our friends with a passion. Sitting on our rooftop tonight, with our legs dangling in the pool, we agreed that we wished Adam, Ashley, Callie, and Ben were with us. That would have been simply lovely. I noticed two girls with a bottle of wine between them, talking like old friends, taking in the view, and I longed for Ashley and Callie. Minus the wine and plus some daquiris, that could have been us. I also wished for those two when I was soaking up the sun today- a favorite pasttime among us.
Pete just informed me that within 50 years, the world will have hit a peak and will lose a ton of our technology. Bye-bye to internet, and we're all going to go back a hundred years. He really thinks that. I just wanted to document here in case it happens, and he can say, "I told you so." But then again, if all that's true, this won't be here for him to say that. So nevermind. Welcome to the dialogue of the Keizer's- can I just point out that as I am writing this, this tall beast of mine is sitting next to me, eating dry romaince lettuce, thinking these thoughts about the internet and relaying them to me.
Gotta love that!
7.06.2009
New Place, New Life.
Since we have been living in downtown St. Louis, I've seen some things that remind me of "home" in Springfield, and then again, I've seen things that really remind me I'm definitely not in Springfield anymore- Toto.
For example. In Springfield, Pete and I had a Loop that we walked almost every day. It was about a 30 minute walk and Pete would often wear his weight vest I bought him for Christmas (Matthew McConaughey style!) We decided we needed to find one of those walks here in St. Louie. This brought about two events that could only happen when one lives downtown in a bustling city. First, we tried creating a new Loop that went to the Arch and back. There were security guards checking people as they went into the Arch grounds (this was right before the VP fair started), and upon seeing Pete's weight vest, they stopped him and said, "Sir! We need to check that vest!" We both realized at that moment that Pete looked a little like a suicide-bomber with that black vest on. Of all things!! However, no bombs were found in his vest and we were therefore released.
A few days later, we were trying out a new Loop that made its way to Union Station. I was a little wary of this Loop because over the past few weeks, a few people have been shot in front of Union Station. Hm. Nevertheless, we power walked there and back- well...almost there. We turned around when we saw two men approach each other in a park and very "non-conspicuously" trade some items underneath their shirts. We booked it out of there.
So, we've come to find that while St. Louis will offer us free Cardinal's game tickets and people are really friendly in elevators, there are also sketchy parks with sketchy people lurking in the background of it all. I don't want to meet my Maker while on a power walk- but hey, in the words of Danny Burkhead, He'll take me when it's my time.
For example. In Springfield, Pete and I had a Loop that we walked almost every day. It was about a 30 minute walk and Pete would often wear his weight vest I bought him for Christmas (Matthew McConaughey style!) We decided we needed to find one of those walks here in St. Louie. This brought about two events that could only happen when one lives downtown in a bustling city. First, we tried creating a new Loop that went to the Arch and back. There were security guards checking people as they went into the Arch grounds (this was right before the VP fair started), and upon seeing Pete's weight vest, they stopped him and said, "Sir! We need to check that vest!" We both realized at that moment that Pete looked a little like a suicide-bomber with that black vest on. Of all things!! However, no bombs were found in his vest and we were therefore released.
A few days later, we were trying out a new Loop that made its way to Union Station. I was a little wary of this Loop because over the past few weeks, a few people have been shot in front of Union Station. Hm. Nevertheless, we power walked there and back- well...almost there. We turned around when we saw two men approach each other in a park and very "non-conspicuously" trade some items underneath their shirts. We booked it out of there.
So, we've come to find that while St. Louis will offer us free Cardinal's game tickets and people are really friendly in elevators, there are also sketchy parks with sketchy people lurking in the background of it all. I don't want to meet my Maker while on a power walk- but hey, in the words of Danny Burkhead, He'll take me when it's my time.
7.01.2009
Movin' On
Well. What an adventure this move is turning out to be. Spending twenty five bucks to get back into our loft (that we locked ourselves out of on the first night), and then getting in free to a Cardinals vs. Giants baseball game the next night, this year is bound to be full of excitement.
While I'm thrilled to be starting this new endeavor with my new groom, I also find myself longing for my dear friends back in Springfield. Oddly enough, when I was unpacking today, I found "The Grace of Encouragement"day-brightener that my friend Callie gave to me this past year- and today's verse was precisely this: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18) My chin started to quiver as I thought of all that goodness we left behind. I remember watching our town, our friends, our 1st home all becoming smaller in the rear view mirrors of the Uhaul- and I remember wondering why we were leaving all that we came to love. Giving it up for love of family, love of adventure, love of God's direction...Give it up for Love right? I always wondered what certain Loves I'd come to find in my life :)
The night before the Big Move (what it will always be known as), our best friends came to help us load up the Uhaul. Adam, Ben, & Callie- three friends we've come to cherish and love as brothers and sisters. (Also Ashley, but she was working like grown-ups do.) We had a great time but there was also a nagging sense that this would be the last of great times in that context. Never again will we live as we have this past year- us girls starting out as roommates, the boys also roommates, and then staying a community as two of us got married. Never again will we live down the street from each other, or across the parking lot, freely going to each other's homes just for the company. Never have I had a circle of friends that know my soul as these friends do- everyone knowing each other in a truly spiritual sense. The only thing lacking in our friendship is longjevity, but it feels like we've known each other for years.
The morning of the Big Move, Ashley and Adam woke up early to come see us off. I'm not a crier, but I tell you what. These guys got it out of me. I shared a tear with Callie the night before, but when the moment came to leave, I was a river. The actual moment was so dramatic that I just couldn't help it. I cried when we all held hands in the parking lot of our first home, praying for each other's futures and our marriages. I cried as we drove away, moaning inaudibly, "This sucks!"- especially when Adam & Ashley rode next to us until it was time to turn onto the expressway. I couldn't imagine ever being happy in St. Louis, and all I wanted was to turn around and run back into my friend's arms.
Along the way, I fell asleep to wash my fears away. When I woke up, I felt a little more determined to see our move in a better light. And so far, it's been great. It's been a real journey with my best friend by my side, and seeing old friends who I'll get to know all over again. I think I can live knowing that my soulfriends in Springfield will always be there, and we'll never fall out of touch or out of love with each other. There is a promise for the future, after all.
"For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds."- Psalm 57:10
While I'm thrilled to be starting this new endeavor with my new groom, I also find myself longing for my dear friends back in Springfield. Oddly enough, when I was unpacking today, I found "The Grace of Encouragement"day-brightener that my friend Callie gave to me this past year- and today's verse was precisely this: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18) My chin started to quiver as I thought of all that goodness we left behind. I remember watching our town, our friends, our 1st home all becoming smaller in the rear view mirrors of the Uhaul- and I remember wondering why we were leaving all that we came to love. Giving it up for love of family, love of adventure, love of God's direction...Give it up for Love right? I always wondered what certain Loves I'd come to find in my life :)
The night before the Big Move (what it will always be known as), our best friends came to help us load up the Uhaul. Adam, Ben, & Callie- three friends we've come to cherish and love as brothers and sisters. (Also Ashley, but she was working like grown-ups do.) We had a great time but there was also a nagging sense that this would be the last of great times in that context. Never again will we live as we have this past year- us girls starting out as roommates, the boys also roommates, and then staying a community as two of us got married. Never again will we live down the street from each other, or across the parking lot, freely going to each other's homes just for the company. Never have I had a circle of friends that know my soul as these friends do- everyone knowing each other in a truly spiritual sense. The only thing lacking in our friendship is longjevity, but it feels like we've known each other for years.
The morning of the Big Move, Ashley and Adam woke up early to come see us off. I'm not a crier, but I tell you what. These guys got it out of me. I shared a tear with Callie the night before, but when the moment came to leave, I was a river. The actual moment was so dramatic that I just couldn't help it. I cried when we all held hands in the parking lot of our first home, praying for each other's futures and our marriages. I cried as we drove away, moaning inaudibly, "This sucks!"- especially when Adam & Ashley rode next to us until it was time to turn onto the expressway. I couldn't imagine ever being happy in St. Louis, and all I wanted was to turn around and run back into my friend's arms.
Along the way, I fell asleep to wash my fears away. When I woke up, I felt a little more determined to see our move in a better light. And so far, it's been great. It's been a real journey with my best friend by my side, and seeing old friends who I'll get to know all over again. I think I can live knowing that my soulfriends in Springfield will always be there, and we'll never fall out of touch or out of love with each other. There is a promise for the future, after all.
"For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds."- Psalm 57:10
6.15.2009
Awaiting the city shock to come
Culture shock is what’s going to be happening this time next month. Maybe just city shock, but either way, it’s going to affect both Pete and me. We’re moving from
There won’t be grass as far as the eye can see. When we look out our window, instead of seeing a beautiful golf course with a line of trees, we’ll see the old post office- a gray wall. When we step outside, we’ll be surrounded by metal and glass and cement. Was this such a good idea?
I used to LOVE the idea of living in a city. What appealed to me then? Nightlife- bustling- little cafes and coffee shops- shopping- neon lights- tall buildings- grandeur- artists. Unfortunately, when I view all that now, I see that those niceties require money.
I am going to miss my friends so much. And fresh air. And windows that open all the way. And a golf course view. And our church. And open spaces where I know I can breathe. And car rides...anywhere. And the loop that Pete and I walk almost daily. I’ll even miss the Olive Garden we work at- the people are amazing and they’ve become our friends. I’ll miss being able to see dark clouds rolling in. I’ll miss how friendly people are.
I won’t miss gross carpet. I’ll like taking an elevator to my loft (I think). I’ll enjoy the rooftop. I will love going to
I’ll have to learn the bus system. I’ll have to stop at traffic lights when I go on a run or walk. I’ll be giving a chunk of my schedule to family. I’ll have to adapt to living by family! I’ll have to find a new church. I’ll have to make new friends. I’ll have to get to know downtown. I’ll have to get used to city noises.
I know that we’re not supposed to stay in
Ultimately, deciding to live in downtown
The most comforting thought is that I’ll be doing all this not on my own- but with the love of my life and best friend and brother: Pete. And of course, my Savior will be leading us every step of the way. I hope he will especially be present when it comes to family matters.
This is going to be an experience.
------------------------------
Totally random side note. Today something happened to me that I've sometimes heard of happening to other people- but got to experience for myself the first time today. From the beginning, a detailed account:
I was trying to print off my wedding photography contract to send off to the bride. My printer ink must have been running low on black because it just wasn't working. Pete, my loving and patient man, tried helping me but I was frustrated and snapped at him. I told him I wasn't mad at him, just at the situation. I got frustrated So easily and fast! And I knew it. But it was just one of those moments.
I gave up and complied with the printer, making the ink blue. Next on my list was to take care of an unwarranted bill that a hospital keeps sending me. I got mad at them because of how unnecessary the whole process was (that keeps repeating itself). Then, like a cherry on top, I got angry with one of our Olive Garden managers for not helping us with some paperwork we needed.
I decided this was a good time to go the post office to mail out that contract- and to let off some steam, cool down, and most importantly, get me away from Pete before I snapped at him again. On my way there, I thought a sonic "happy hour" cherry limeade sounded great. I didn't look at the clock- I was sure it was past 2:00. I went through the drive through, ordered, and they gave me the full price instead of half off. When I pulled up to the window, I said, "Isn't it happy hour?" The girl said, "No, not yet." I looked at the clock and said, "Well, I guess I'll be back in 2 minutes then." She said, "Five." I said, "Oh, I guess our clocks are different." And I left. Um...I didn't return. Yes, I made a cherry limeade go to waste and I feel a little regretful of that. As I was leaving Sonic, I yelled, "This is a BAD DAY!!!" (In all fairness, it had only been a bad 30 minutes. What a drama queen.) Not even half a second later, this song came on the radio:
"Say hey, it's a good day. Even when things aren't going my way. Jesus is Lord and I am saved so, say hey, it's a good day."
Uhhhhhhhhhhh. What could I do? I smiled. And I knew it was true. I appreciated God's humor in that moment, because He knew how to get to me.
I proceeded to drive home, apologized to Pete, told him about the song that was sent to me, and treated him to a shake at DQ.
5.24.2009
Sweet Jesus Christ, my Sanity.
Well, it's been a while since any thoughts have emerged out of this mind. Funny how revelations come and go- didn't Paul say something about that? Maybe not- but I vaguely remember someone smart saying that spirituality and a relationship in general will always have its ups and downs and in-betweens.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
Working in such a high-stress environment such as Olive Garden has really been teaching me a lot lately. And getting to me a lot, and making me lose my patience, and making me want to quit. It sometimes fuels my hate for people- servers, customers, managers- and I resign to complaining. As of late, tips have been less than appealing, and people really just aren't as friendly. (And if they're super friendly, you know that's your tip!) Everything annoys me. People are always in my way. What an excuse to whine.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I could write a book about all of my crazy experiences in the restaurant business. All in good humor, of course. There's the lady who looks around for her glass of water, as it sits diagonal to her, and blankly looks at me and says, "Could I please have a glass of ice water? I'm parched." And then there's the table of 8 who are super friendly, polite, and low maintenance throughout the entirety of their meal- and of course I know why when I receive a $3.00 tip on a $78.00 ticket. And on the flip side, there's the table who is needy and peculiar and thinks they're my only table, but in the end, they leave me more than twenty percent. Oh, and did you know that ten percent is the new twenty percent? And of course- and these are my favorite- there are the people who think the salad comes free with the table.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I'll probably keep slipping up and keep slipping up, complaining about all these people who I often disdain (and for sure I used to be one), and I'll get mad at fellow servers for the inconvenience they've lent me, and the two seconds they've put me behind schedule. I'll long to get revenge on those servers who have disrespected me and left their personal food on my freshly cleaned table. I'll want to take a swing at the ones who steal my sugars right off my table, in front of my eyes, and when confronted about it, only say "I'll give you some sugar, heh heh heh."
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I, for sure, will not be Christlike when all these little annoyances happen. And I probably won't try because that is just the last straw. I quit. I'm done. I got yelled at by the temper-fit manager for the last time.
Or maybe- I could try?
Sincerely, it's going to take the Sweet Jesus Christ I've heard about my whole life to convince me of this possibility. To clear me of my insanity, and to bring me clarity. When I first started working at Olive Garden, I saw it as an opportunity to not only serve the people who come in to fill their stomachs, but to also get to know fellow servers on an intimate level. And then, all of a sudden, I just got too comfortable. Hearing everyone else complain about how awful this job was made it okay for me too, I guess. Or maybe it's just my own nature that makes it so easy.
I've learned that even though I may kill customers with my kindness, if I'm not doing it with love (true, pure love), it's nothing. "But if I have not love, I am nothing." Even though I don't like to admit to not learning things the first, second, or third time- it's true. It takes repetition and learning the hard way for me, almost every time. At work, it's hearing the negativity coming out of my mouth that stops me in my tracks and makes me rethink my mission at Olive Garden.
I'm only there for four more weeks. And then it's off to a new season of life- leaving behind best friends, our best married-friends, a place we've loved living for the past five or so years. The lessons I've learned here in the sticks of Missouri are amazing. I've completed college, started a business, and yeah, used my degree at Olive Garden. ;) I made incredible college friends, apartment friends, and connections that I hope will last a lifetime. I'm used to picking up and going off on new adventures, so leaving doesn't bother me. It's what we're leaving that makes me emotional. We are leaving something so good and entering something so unknown, and kinda hard. Going back to the my "home city", the STL, wasn't exactly in the plan, you know. It's actually going against the plan.
Oh well. It's not my plan anyway.
:)
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
Working in such a high-stress environment such as Olive Garden has really been teaching me a lot lately. And getting to me a lot, and making me lose my patience, and making me want to quit. It sometimes fuels my hate for people- servers, customers, managers- and I resign to complaining. As of late, tips have been less than appealing, and people really just aren't as friendly. (And if they're super friendly, you know that's your tip!) Everything annoys me. People are always in my way. What an excuse to whine.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I could write a book about all of my crazy experiences in the restaurant business. All in good humor, of course. There's the lady who looks around for her glass of water, as it sits diagonal to her, and blankly looks at me and says, "Could I please have a glass of ice water? I'm parched." And then there's the table of 8 who are super friendly, polite, and low maintenance throughout the entirety of their meal- and of course I know why when I receive a $3.00 tip on a $78.00 ticket. And on the flip side, there's the table who is needy and peculiar and thinks they're my only table, but in the end, they leave me more than twenty percent. Oh, and did you know that ten percent is the new twenty percent? And of course- and these are my favorite- there are the people who think the salad comes free with the table.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I'll probably keep slipping up and keep slipping up, complaining about all these people who I often disdain (and for sure I used to be one), and I'll get mad at fellow servers for the inconvenience they've lent me, and the two seconds they've put me behind schedule. I'll long to get revenge on those servers who have disrespected me and left their personal food on my freshly cleaned table. I'll want to take a swing at the ones who steal my sugars right off my table, in front of my eyes, and when confronted about it, only say "I'll give you some sugar, heh heh heh."
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I, for sure, will not be Christlike when all these little annoyances happen. And I probably won't try because that is just the last straw. I quit. I'm done. I got yelled at by the temper-fit manager for the last time.
Or maybe- I could try?
Sincerely, it's going to take the Sweet Jesus Christ I've heard about my whole life to convince me of this possibility. To clear me of my insanity, and to bring me clarity. When I first started working at Olive Garden, I saw it as an opportunity to not only serve the people who come in to fill their stomachs, but to also get to know fellow servers on an intimate level. And then, all of a sudden, I just got too comfortable. Hearing everyone else complain about how awful this job was made it okay for me too, I guess. Or maybe it's just my own nature that makes it so easy.
I've learned that even though I may kill customers with my kindness, if I'm not doing it with love (true, pure love), it's nothing. "But if I have not love, I am nothing." Even though I don't like to admit to not learning things the first, second, or third time- it's true. It takes repetition and learning the hard way for me, almost every time. At work, it's hearing the negativity coming out of my mouth that stops me in my tracks and makes me rethink my mission at Olive Garden.
I'm only there for four more weeks. And then it's off to a new season of life- leaving behind best friends, our best married-friends, a place we've loved living for the past five or so years. The lessons I've learned here in the sticks of Missouri are amazing. I've completed college, started a business, and yeah, used my degree at Olive Garden. ;) I made incredible college friends, apartment friends, and connections that I hope will last a lifetime. I'm used to picking up and going off on new adventures, so leaving doesn't bother me. It's what we're leaving that makes me emotional. We are leaving something so good and entering something so unknown, and kinda hard. Going back to the my "home city", the STL, wasn't exactly in the plan, you know. It's actually going against the plan.
Oh well. It's not my plan anyway.
:)
4.27.2009
The Great Baggage Claim
There is so much I'm going to miss about the life we've made for ourselves in Springfield, Missouri. I've become friends with people I never would have thought, God placed us in an unlikely church that we've grown and learned from Continuously, and I've come to appreciate even more a slow and laid back lifestyle, even more so than college, Europe, or Chicago. I'll miss how close everything is from our doorstep, including Price Cutter and Callie, and I'll miss the slightly southern accents that bring a smile to my lips. I'll miss our best married friends, Ashley and Adam, and their kiddo Rambo, and our best unmarried friends, Callie, Ross, and Ben. What meaningful and honest relationships we've come across in this interesting first year of marriage.
At our church, I've learned so much from a man (and his wisdom from God) that doesn't know my name, will never know me, but has made such a huge impact on my ideas and thoughts about life as a follower of Jesus. The thoughts the Lord has instilled in Ben Pilgreen to share with the church have stretched me in ways I never thought I'd be stretched, and I feel so blessed to have learned the things I've learned, no matter how simple-minded they are! One thing I have learned just in my quiet times this week is- and this from Oswald Chambers, not Ben Pilgreen-
"One of the worst traps a Christian can fall into is to become obsessed with his own exceptional moments of inspiration. When the Spirit of God gives you a time of inspiration and insight, you tend to say, 'Now that I've experienced this moment, I will always be like this for God.' No, you will not, and God will make sure of that. Those times are entirely the gift of God. You cannot give them to yourself when you choose. If you say you will only be at your best for God, as during those exceptional times, you actually become an intolerable burden on Him."
Wow. I needed to read that last night as the thunderstorms were rolling in, and as I was for the first time in many days actually reading scripture. I used to have this mindset, and probably still do sometimes, that I need to better myself before I can go before the Lord. Like, if I can make myself more presentable to him, He'll accept me more, or love me more, or anything more- but the thing is, and the thing that was laid on Ben Pilgreen's heart and then my heart, is that we can never do Anything to make ourselves more presentable to Him. We are foul. We are sinners. We are grotesque in our very nature. But we are also Saved. And not by ourselves, not ever by ourselves, not in the times when we make up for lost time by reading chapters and chapters of His word, or volunteering at a shelter out of guilt, or praying for hours on end to make it right for the weeks we didn't say a word to Him. The thing is...all these things are Good, and we do need them. But none of these things make us more presentable to Him, because if they did, then we'd be saving ourselves. And if we could save ourselves, there would have been no need for Jesus to bear every single sin we'd ever commit.
So this is probably really fundamental stuff, but it's alluded me in some ways until now. And now that this "moment of inspiration" has hit me, I've also learned not to become obsessed with it. Sometimes I'll go weeks without any thoughts at all- no new revelations about Christ, no big problems to tackle, no changes that I can see that need to be made. And those times actually discourage me because I feel like I must not be doing something, because I'm not getting any good thoughts from God lately. When I think about it, it's in those times that I'm not reading any scripture or being challenged- usually in those times my greatest enemy is wasting time. Now, I also know it's possible to "be doing everything right" and still not get so-called inspirations. But for me, they connect really simply. When I get into His Word and talk to Him like He's my best friend and pour into others and get poured into, a whole lot more thoughts arise in me from Him. Coincidence?
Another thought, thanks to the inspirations of Ben Pilgreen :) is Baggage. Baggage in our lives, excess weight we're carrying around. What I never realized is that one of my pieces of luggage really is wasted time. It may not be sinful, but it often keeps me from who I could be or the things God is leading me to do. Wasting time causes me not to listen, not to search. I used to think that I couldn't do certain things because of the baggage of my past, but looking at Noah (alcoholic), David (adulterer), Abraham (liar), Moses (murderer), I'm pretty convinced they all had a TON of baggage but still managed to follow the Lord passionately, and He led them to their destinies, which we only see a clip of in the Bible, but their lives were worth something and so meaningful years and years later. And not because they were perfect. Had they not chosen to get rid of their baggage, they wouldn't have become who they did. Everyone has baggage except for One. And what's funny about that One with no baggage is that He actually chose to take everyone else's baggage. Hmmm.
I've been in airports a lot. Ben is right- after every flight, when you go to baggage claim, a voice repeats that you must be sure not to take anyone else's luggage, all luggage looks alike, and if you take anyone else's luggage, it's a criminal offense. All we usually have is one or two bags, and it's completely unconventional (and illegal, obviously) to take on anyone else's bags. If each of our bags represented the bad weight in our life, and we wanted to get rid of it but didn't know how, we'd lay awake at night rolling around in bed, tormented that we're being weighed down with all this heavy stuff. I am absolutely overwhelmed and amazed that Jesus came to the baggage claim, where all of earth waited on their weights, and took every single bag.
Thank you Jesus. Sounds cliche and fake, but thank you So Very Much.
At our church, I've learned so much from a man (and his wisdom from God) that doesn't know my name, will never know me, but has made such a huge impact on my ideas and thoughts about life as a follower of Jesus. The thoughts the Lord has instilled in Ben Pilgreen to share with the church have stretched me in ways I never thought I'd be stretched, and I feel so blessed to have learned the things I've learned, no matter how simple-minded they are! One thing I have learned just in my quiet times this week is- and this from Oswald Chambers, not Ben Pilgreen-
"One of the worst traps a Christian can fall into is to become obsessed with his own exceptional moments of inspiration. When the Spirit of God gives you a time of inspiration and insight, you tend to say, 'Now that I've experienced this moment, I will always be like this for God.' No, you will not, and God will make sure of that. Those times are entirely the gift of God. You cannot give them to yourself when you choose. If you say you will only be at your best for God, as during those exceptional times, you actually become an intolerable burden on Him."
Wow. I needed to read that last night as the thunderstorms were rolling in, and as I was for the first time in many days actually reading scripture. I used to have this mindset, and probably still do sometimes, that I need to better myself before I can go before the Lord. Like, if I can make myself more presentable to him, He'll accept me more, or love me more, or anything more- but the thing is, and the thing that was laid on Ben Pilgreen's heart and then my heart, is that we can never do Anything to make ourselves more presentable to Him. We are foul. We are sinners. We are grotesque in our very nature. But we are also Saved. And not by ourselves, not ever by ourselves, not in the times when we make up for lost time by reading chapters and chapters of His word, or volunteering at a shelter out of guilt, or praying for hours on end to make it right for the weeks we didn't say a word to Him. The thing is...all these things are Good, and we do need them. But none of these things make us more presentable to Him, because if they did, then we'd be saving ourselves. And if we could save ourselves, there would have been no need for Jesus to bear every single sin we'd ever commit.
So this is probably really fundamental stuff, but it's alluded me in some ways until now. And now that this "moment of inspiration" has hit me, I've also learned not to become obsessed with it. Sometimes I'll go weeks without any thoughts at all- no new revelations about Christ, no big problems to tackle, no changes that I can see that need to be made. And those times actually discourage me because I feel like I must not be doing something, because I'm not getting any good thoughts from God lately. When I think about it, it's in those times that I'm not reading any scripture or being challenged- usually in those times my greatest enemy is wasting time. Now, I also know it's possible to "be doing everything right" and still not get so-called inspirations. But for me, they connect really simply. When I get into His Word and talk to Him like He's my best friend and pour into others and get poured into, a whole lot more thoughts arise in me from Him. Coincidence?
Another thought, thanks to the inspirations of Ben Pilgreen :) is Baggage. Baggage in our lives, excess weight we're carrying around. What I never realized is that one of my pieces of luggage really is wasted time. It may not be sinful, but it often keeps me from who I could be or the things God is leading me to do. Wasting time causes me not to listen, not to search. I used to think that I couldn't do certain things because of the baggage of my past, but looking at Noah (alcoholic), David (adulterer), Abraham (liar), Moses (murderer), I'm pretty convinced they all had a TON of baggage but still managed to follow the Lord passionately, and He led them to their destinies, which we only see a clip of in the Bible, but their lives were worth something and so meaningful years and years later. And not because they were perfect. Had they not chosen to get rid of their baggage, they wouldn't have become who they did. Everyone has baggage except for One. And what's funny about that One with no baggage is that He actually chose to take everyone else's baggage. Hmmm.
I've been in airports a lot. Ben is right- after every flight, when you go to baggage claim, a voice repeats that you must be sure not to take anyone else's luggage, all luggage looks alike, and if you take anyone else's luggage, it's a criminal offense. All we usually have is one or two bags, and it's completely unconventional (and illegal, obviously) to take on anyone else's bags. If each of our bags represented the bad weight in our life, and we wanted to get rid of it but didn't know how, we'd lay awake at night rolling around in bed, tormented that we're being weighed down with all this heavy stuff. I am absolutely overwhelmed and amazed that Jesus came to the baggage claim, where all of earth waited on their weights, and took every single bag.
Thank you Jesus. Sounds cliche and fake, but thank you So Very Much.
3.18.2009
Original Thought
I rarely finish books. I start a lot of them, but actually finishing them is another story. I am pleased to announce that I have successfully read, cover to cover, three books by Donald Miller. First, Blue Like Jazz. Second, Through Painted Deserts. And third, Searching For God Knows What. Donald Miller, you must write good books. :)
He really gets to the heart of the matter, and I love it. Everything, especially in Searching For God Knows What, are ideas and theories I feel I've been on the verge of...but he expressed them so clearly as to enlighten me on things I haven't yet thought. I'm stuck on this idea of Original Thought (which has nothing to do with Donald Miller)...Have I ever had a truly original thought? I mean really? Have I thought a thought that no one has ever thought before EVER in the history of the world? That would be fantastic if I someday do, or if I already have, but it's not on my top ten list of things to pursue this year. Yet. :)
I've written this before, but this is such a waiting time for me. My whole life I've been busy, busy, busy and this past winter has been Quiet. At this time last year I was planning my wedding, getting ready to graduate from college, working 35 hours a week, and had an hour long commute. Such a different time from right now. I think I've embraced this time of rest...because I know it's sure not going to last forever, and this time is fleeting. But at the same time, I think all people long to pour out and be poured in to, and to have day to day goals. The only thing I HAVE to do every week is go to work, and I only put an average of 25 hours toward that. All of my goals are far in the future, and any plans I make now will have to end by mid-June (which is when we pick up and move to St. Louis). I guess I just don't know how to wait patiently. And I'm not very good at being quiet. That sounds funny, but I'm truly not. There are times that I choose to be quiet...quiet times with the Lord, quiet walks in the woods, quiet sleeping...but being quiet for so long is something that I've struggled for. But maybe being Quiet and Resting aren't the same thing? I have so many ideas and so many dreams that I can't WAIT to pursue, and some of those are in St. Louis, and many are not...so this has also been a Planning time for me, as well as a time for rest. It's a time for dreaming and proposing ideas.
There is a time for every purpose under Heaven. This much I know to be true. :)
He really gets to the heart of the matter, and I love it. Everything, especially in Searching For God Knows What, are ideas and theories I feel I've been on the verge of...but he expressed them so clearly as to enlighten me on things I haven't yet thought. I'm stuck on this idea of Original Thought (which has nothing to do with Donald Miller)...Have I ever had a truly original thought? I mean really? Have I thought a thought that no one has ever thought before EVER in the history of the world? That would be fantastic if I someday do, or if I already have, but it's not on my top ten list of things to pursue this year. Yet. :)
I've written this before, but this is such a waiting time for me. My whole life I've been busy, busy, busy and this past winter has been Quiet. At this time last year I was planning my wedding, getting ready to graduate from college, working 35 hours a week, and had an hour long commute. Such a different time from right now. I think I've embraced this time of rest...because I know it's sure not going to last forever, and this time is fleeting. But at the same time, I think all people long to pour out and be poured in to, and to have day to day goals. The only thing I HAVE to do every week is go to work, and I only put an average of 25 hours toward that. All of my goals are far in the future, and any plans I make now will have to end by mid-June (which is when we pick up and move to St. Louis). I guess I just don't know how to wait patiently. And I'm not very good at being quiet. That sounds funny, but I'm truly not. There are times that I choose to be quiet...quiet times with the Lord, quiet walks in the woods, quiet sleeping...but being quiet for so long is something that I've struggled for. But maybe being Quiet and Resting aren't the same thing? I have so many ideas and so many dreams that I can't WAIT to pursue, and some of those are in St. Louis, and many are not...so this has also been a Planning time for me, as well as a time for rest. It's a time for dreaming and proposing ideas.
There is a time for every purpose under Heaven. This much I know to be true. :)
2.25.2009
February 25, 2009
My new friend Renae Norgaard introduced me to this verse today.
Isaiah 29:13
Then the Lord said,"Because [Ezek 33:31; Matt 15:8, 9; Mark 7:6, 7] this people draw near with their words. And honor Me with their lip service,But they remove their hearts far from Me, And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote…
Isaiah 29:13 (King James Version)
Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men:
Isaiah 29:13 (English Standard)
13And the Lord said:"Because this people draw near with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
while their hearts are far from me,
and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men…
Isaiah 29:13 (New International Version)
13 The Lord says:
"These people come near to me with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me
is made up only of rules taught by men.
I have a lot of thoughts on tradition right now. As a culture we assume that because something is tradition, it must be right. The people who have gone before us and established those traditions must have done so for a reason, right? But what about communion? At church, we solemnly sit at our seats waiting for the tiny pieces of bread and cups of wine to be passed to us, or we stand in a long line waiting for the piece of bread to dip into the wine, all the while knowing we must be silent and respectful. I never even understood what communion was for until a few weeks ago and I’ve been doing it all my life. Now I know we do it to mourn the death of Jesus.
Like Donald Miller said, what if the disciples fast forwarded hundreds of years to our day and age, and saw us solemnly taking the bread and the wine, every third week? I think they would be dumbfounded. I can only imagine that in their day they were all sitting around someone’s home, swapping stories about their good times with Jesus, with some of them laughing, some of them crying because they miss Him. Somewhere along the line, as we started to forget that Jesus was a man, we thought we had to do this weird, quiet ritual out of RESPECT and HONOR, and that’s what it has become today. COMMUNION. Breaking the word down, I think of Come into
Also…structure. Our churches have structure. We walk in, we hear some announcements, we sing, we pray, we listen, we pray, we sing again, and then we leave. Where’s the community? Where’s the part where we share our lives and pour into others and have them pour into us? Nothing about this is necessarily wrong, but I feel like our modern day church is missing so much. I see a lot of churches pulling away from this structure, or this formula we’ve been following, which I think is good just because it stretches us and challenges us to find new ways to worship, or perhaps…old ways to worship. More community, less formula.
Is God really all about structure though? It seems to me that Jesus was one of the most abstract people that ever walked the earth. At least the Pharisees seemed to think so, and some people didn’t know what to do with him. “Leave everything and come follow me.” What kind of structure is that? It’s Faith. Does faith have structure? I have never said, “Tomorrow, God is going to ask something really hard of me, and I’m ready for it.” I’m hardly ever ready for anything the Lord challenges me with! And it’s hardly ever easy because He knows how to challenge my heart.
Speaking of which…another thought: I have this new idea (thank you Renae Norgaard for the beginnings of this new idea) that when God brings me back around to things that I’ve sworn to never do, He is just being the role of an incredible Father. Is He just refining me, and not punishing me? Is he making me more like Him? I think so. I never thought of it this way before, but I really think that’s what he’s doing. The finest example I have of this is what’s going on in my life right now. Pete and I feel called to live in
2.11.2009
February 11, 2009
I crave adventure. So to satisfy my craving, or maybe to help me understand that a mellow life is also nice, the Lord let me survive a tornado.
That would be an awesome metaphor or symbolic meaning, and only if it were...but instead I have the memory of literally being amidst a tornado in central Springfield.
Now, to be clear on how dramatic this Isn't, it's not that my home is gone and my dog is dead and all I have is now debris...nothing like that. I happened to be in my car, with my friend Callie in her car behind me, going from one friend's house to another. We'd been having crazy storms all day, but all of a sudden, the wind really picked up and the rain started going a million different directions, and I felt my car rocking on its wheels, tempting my car to fly away. As I started to feel a little panicked, a huge sign, as big as an interstate exit sign, flew in front of my car, along with all kinds of other debris- fences, metal, chairs, anything and everything. Looking ahead, I saw the traffic lights flicker and then shut off. I felt a huge change in pressure, and started frantically looking around for a tornado to appear and sweep me into the air. I decided that the place I was in currently was definitely not a good one, so I gunned it a little and started moving again. The traffic lights were swaying dramatically above me, and ahead of me was a huge tree blocking my side of the road. There was a lawn chair, a fence, and gigantic branches barricading the street. There was destruction and disaster everywhere. I called Callie, practically in hysterics, to make sure she was alright, and she was just as freaked out as I was. Were we in a tornado? Was it just ultra strong winds? We knew it was more than wind but couldn't pin anything down, except for that everything was flying around us and hitting our cars. I was expecting St. John's hospital on my left to come barreling at me any minute, and I knew I'd be a goner. I had never contemplated losing my life before like this. I knew that anything could come crashing through my window and decapitate me, so I kept moving and didn't stop moving until we got to our destination (where it was considerably calmer), jumped out of our cars, hugged and shook and hugged some more.
The next morning, on the news, I read that an F1 tornado touched down one street west of where Callie and I were driving at 10:50 p.m. How's that for adventure?
That would be an awesome metaphor or symbolic meaning, and only if it were...but instead I have the memory of literally being amidst a tornado in central Springfield.
Now, to be clear on how dramatic this Isn't, it's not that my home is gone and my dog is dead and all I have is now debris...nothing like that. I happened to be in my car, with my friend Callie in her car behind me, going from one friend's house to another. We'd been having crazy storms all day, but all of a sudden, the wind really picked up and the rain started going a million different directions, and I felt my car rocking on its wheels, tempting my car to fly away. As I started to feel a little panicked, a huge sign, as big as an interstate exit sign, flew in front of my car, along with all kinds of other debris- fences, metal, chairs, anything and everything. Looking ahead, I saw the traffic lights flicker and then shut off. I felt a huge change in pressure, and started frantically looking around for a tornado to appear and sweep me into the air. I decided that the place I was in currently was definitely not a good one, so I gunned it a little and started moving again. The traffic lights were swaying dramatically above me, and ahead of me was a huge tree blocking my side of the road. There was a lawn chair, a fence, and gigantic branches barricading the street. There was destruction and disaster everywhere. I called Callie, practically in hysterics, to make sure she was alright, and she was just as freaked out as I was. Were we in a tornado? Was it just ultra strong winds? We knew it was more than wind but couldn't pin anything down, except for that everything was flying around us and hitting our cars. I was expecting St. John's hospital on my left to come barreling at me any minute, and I knew I'd be a goner. I had never contemplated losing my life before like this. I knew that anything could come crashing through my window and decapitate me, so I kept moving and didn't stop moving until we got to our destination (where it was considerably calmer), jumped out of our cars, hugged and shook and hugged some more.
The next morning, on the news, I read that an F1 tornado touched down one street west of where Callie and I were driving at 10:50 p.m. How's that for adventure?
February 11, 2009
I crave adventure. So to satisfy my craving, the Lord let me survive a tornado.
That would be an awesome metaphor or symbolic meaning, and only if it were...but instead I have the memory of literally being amidst a tornado in central Springfield.
Now, to be clear on how dramatic this Isn't, it's not that my home is gone and my dog is dead and all I have is now debris...nothing like that. I happened to be in my car, with my friend Callie in her car behind me, going from one end of town to the other. We'd been having crazy storms all day, but all of a sudden, the wind really picked up and the rain started going a million different directions, and I felt my car rocking on its wheels. As I started to feel a little panicked, a huge sign, as big as an interstate exit sign, flew in front of my car, along with all kinds of other debris- fences, metal, chairs, anything and everything. Looking ahead, I saw the traffic lights flicker and then shut off. I felt a huge change in pressure, and started frantically looking around for a tornado to appear and sweep me into the air. I decided that the place I was in currently was definitely not a good one, so I gunned it a little and started moving again. The traffic lights were swaying dramatically above me, and ahead of me was a huge tree blocking my side of the road. There was a lawn chair, a fence, and gigantic branches barricading the street. I called Callie, practically in hysterics, to make sure she was alright, and she was just as freaked out as I was. Were we in a tornado? Was it just ultra strong winds? We knew it was more than wind but couldn't pin anything down, except for that everything was flying around us and hitting our cars. I was expecting St. John's hospital on my left to come barreling at me any minute, and I knew I'd be a goner. I had never contemplated losing my life before like this. I knew that anything could come crashing through my window and decapitate me, so I kept moving and didn't stop moving until we got to our destination (where it was considerably calmer), jumped out of our cars, hugged and shook and hugged some more.
The next morning, on the news, I read that an F1 tornado touched down one street west of where Callie and I were driving at 10:50 p.m. How's that for adventure?
That would be an awesome metaphor or symbolic meaning, and only if it were...but instead I have the memory of literally being amidst a tornado in central Springfield.
Now, to be clear on how dramatic this Isn't, it's not that my home is gone and my dog is dead and all I have is now debris...nothing like that. I happened to be in my car, with my friend Callie in her car behind me, going from one end of town to the other. We'd been having crazy storms all day, but all of a sudden, the wind really picked up and the rain started going a million different directions, and I felt my car rocking on its wheels. As I started to feel a little panicked, a huge sign, as big as an interstate exit sign, flew in front of my car, along with all kinds of other debris- fences, metal, chairs, anything and everything. Looking ahead, I saw the traffic lights flicker and then shut off. I felt a huge change in pressure, and started frantically looking around for a tornado to appear and sweep me into the air. I decided that the place I was in currently was definitely not a good one, so I gunned it a little and started moving again. The traffic lights were swaying dramatically above me, and ahead of me was a huge tree blocking my side of the road. There was a lawn chair, a fence, and gigantic branches barricading the street. I called Callie, practically in hysterics, to make sure she was alright, and she was just as freaked out as I was. Were we in a tornado? Was it just ultra strong winds? We knew it was more than wind but couldn't pin anything down, except for that everything was flying around us and hitting our cars. I was expecting St. John's hospital on my left to come barreling at me any minute, and I knew I'd be a goner. I had never contemplated losing my life before like this. I knew that anything could come crashing through my window and decapitate me, so I kept moving and didn't stop moving until we got to our destination (where it was considerably calmer), jumped out of our cars, hugged and shook and hugged some more.
The next morning, on the news, I read that an F1 tornado touched down one street west of where Callie and I were driving at 10:50 p.m. How's that for adventure?
2.04.2009
February 4, 2009
You know your man loves you when...
His big surprise to you is a hair cut at your favorite salon; his big plans for the day consist of any board games you want to play; he helps you clean your tables at the restaurant you work in, along with his own; he does his hair the way you like it; he's patient when you're snappy; he gives you "replenishing your soul" time after a hard night's work, even though he's ready to just hang out with you; he opens your door every single time you drive anywhere; he uses his best hand writing on this month's budget; he lovingly reminds you to take your vitamins...twelve times; he lets you vent about irritations and the small things of life that grate on you; he lets you play your favorite songs over and over and over again and never says a word...
I don't give my husband as much credit as he deserves; What a great man he is, and how often I forget to tell him. Or, ashamedly, I forget myself that a man like him is NOT normal in these times. I have found my best friend in him, my companion, "bones of my bones, and flesh of my flesh"...the most powerful description ever used! I've found a man that doesn't need me to lead him in order for him to lead me...and it's such a beautiful thing to be led.
His big surprise to you is a hair cut at your favorite salon; his big plans for the day consist of any board games you want to play; he helps you clean your tables at the restaurant you work in, along with his own; he does his hair the way you like it; he's patient when you're snappy; he gives you "replenishing your soul" time after a hard night's work, even though he's ready to just hang out with you; he opens your door every single time you drive anywhere; he uses his best hand writing on this month's budget; he lovingly reminds you to take your vitamins...twelve times; he lets you vent about irritations and the small things of life that grate on you; he lets you play your favorite songs over and over and over again and never says a word...
I don't give my husband as much credit as he deserves; What a great man he is, and how often I forget to tell him. Or, ashamedly, I forget myself that a man like him is NOT normal in these times. I have found my best friend in him, my companion, "bones of my bones, and flesh of my flesh"...the most powerful description ever used! I've found a man that doesn't need me to lead him in order for him to lead me...and it's such a beautiful thing to be led.
2.03.2009
Lyrics of my life...
Music is a window into the soul...at least mine. As I was listening to a song by John Waller, his lyrics spoke to my heart. This is where I am, and what I'm trying to do, because blissfully Waiting in and of itself is not enough. Waiting for an answer from the Lord is excruciating for a person who wants immediate results. I am so impatient.
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
I will move ahead,
bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
I will move ahead,
bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
Also discovered a new love for the song Love Is Not A Fight by Warren Barfield. Coming from a family that fought just to fight, and didn't know how else to communicate, this song speaks volumes to my heart! Just listening to it brings relief because...well, I'm not really sure why, but a peace transcends me, and I just want to sit back and listen to it...I got it. It's because it's TRUTH being spoken. That's why I feel such relief. It's just Truth, plain and simple.
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave
Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send His angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for.
1.29.2009
January 29, 2009
Conflicts are so complicated.
I was parking my car at a store tonight, and I had to squeeze between two bigger cars in order to fit in the parking space. It wasn't my first choice, but there was slush covering the parking lot and I wanted to be relatively close to the entrance. When I came back to my car after getting what I needed inside, the only large vehicle remaining was the one on my left, and I had to squeeze between our two cars in order to get into the driver's side. I peered inside the vehicle next to mine, and the man in the driver's seat was looking at me and shaking his head in disgust that I parked so close to him.
Hmm. Is that how so many minor conflicts and misunderstanding's happen? Being the peacemaker I am, I wanted to explain to him that I had to squeeze between his car and another person's car (which was now MIA), and it wasn't that I am rude or self-seeking or not paying attention. I can clearly see that this is not a big deal...I just don't want to contribute to an elderly gentleman's bitter opinion of "young kids these days". I'm an explainer- I always want to explain but I never do because it would sound just plain ridiculous. I guess the world will keep spinning around. Next time I get irritated with someone's decision that I don't understand, I'll relent and assure myself there may be other possibilites...maybe.
I was parking my car at a store tonight, and I had to squeeze between two bigger cars in order to fit in the parking space. It wasn't my first choice, but there was slush covering the parking lot and I wanted to be relatively close to the entrance. When I came back to my car after getting what I needed inside, the only large vehicle remaining was the one on my left, and I had to squeeze between our two cars in order to get into the driver's side. I peered inside the vehicle next to mine, and the man in the driver's seat was looking at me and shaking his head in disgust that I parked so close to him.
Hmm. Is that how so many minor conflicts and misunderstanding's happen? Being the peacemaker I am, I wanted to explain to him that I had to squeeze between his car and another person's car (which was now MIA), and it wasn't that I am rude or self-seeking or not paying attention. I can clearly see that this is not a big deal...I just don't want to contribute to an elderly gentleman's bitter opinion of "young kids these days". I'm an explainer- I always want to explain but I never do because it would sound just plain ridiculous. I guess the world will keep spinning around. Next time I get irritated with someone's decision that I don't understand, I'll relent and assure myself there may be other possibilites...maybe.
1.28.2009
January 29, 2009
I always wonder about letting my frustrations show when I'm at work in the restaurant. I try not to complain about bad tips and especially try not to flaunt great tips. But what about when customers come in at 9:30 on a night we close at 10:00, and sit there talking and playing cards until 11:00 (an hour past close)? Is a person allowed to show a little frustration then? I completely understand if someone does that at a coffeehouse, where the place is the entertainment itself, but not at a nice Italian restaurant. I tried being the strong, silent type once again and I kept my mouth shut to the hostesses and bartenders. Everyone was upset...none of us could leave until this big table left, and they were taking their time. I always wonder in situations like this if it's a cultural thing. This particular table was from Asia and I wonder if, in Asia, that's socially acceptable (and not just if you know the restaurant's owners). I guess one day I'll find out.
Well besides all that mischief in the wonderful world of adult work, life is good. Tips are a huge blessing. Being in a heated apartment with food and a good lookin' man is priceless.
A hilarious event happened tonight on our way home from the restaurant. A huge snow and ice storm just passed through in the last few days, and there are cars getting stuck everywhere. We passed a girl who was stuck in the entrance of a street, so we pulled over to stop and help her. She just needed a good push. There was another guy coming from across the street with the same motive and we were all around the same age. We let her know we'd help her and this guy, Pete, and I started shoving. Well, halfway through, this other dude just face plants into the snow and ice...making this hilarious little "umph!!" on his way down! I felt so terrible for him but I couldn't help laughing at this grown man stumbling headfirst into a pile of snow. Made my night!
Well besides all that mischief in the wonderful world of adult work, life is good. Tips are a huge blessing. Being in a heated apartment with food and a good lookin' man is priceless.
A hilarious event happened tonight on our way home from the restaurant. A huge snow and ice storm just passed through in the last few days, and there are cars getting stuck everywhere. We passed a girl who was stuck in the entrance of a street, so we pulled over to stop and help her. She just needed a good push. There was another guy coming from across the street with the same motive and we were all around the same age. We let her know we'd help her and this guy, Pete, and I started shoving. Well, halfway through, this other dude just face plants into the snow and ice...making this hilarious little "umph!!" on his way down! I felt so terrible for him but I couldn't help laughing at this grown man stumbling headfirst into a pile of snow. Made my night!
1.27.2009
January 26, 2009
The best thing in the world is to be snowed in (or iced in, in our case) with good friends, desserts, and board games galore. It’s simply the best, no doubt about it.. I have to admit that Pete and I basically invited ourselves over to Callie and Laura’s apartment…but we were aching for good company, and they weren’t willing to drive to us because of the roads. So, we bought them with the price of apple crisp, and were welcomed to
If you’ve never played the game Settlers of Catan, you need to. It is the best game I’ve ever played. So is Bananagram. Word games are awesome.. Also, on the topic of things that are the best, I’d have to recognize Donald Miller as one of the best authors I’ve ever experienced, and I’m ecstatic to say that I just finished his book Through Painted Deserts. Now I’m on to Searching for God Knows What…because I am. By the way, if I'm starting to sound creepy about Donald Miller...it's only because Pete bought me two of his books for Christmas...I'm 100% into my husband and not some guy who's thoughts I've only interacted with by looking within the pages of his thoughts...just to clarify :)
But anyway. Is that what life is? Being ecstatic over other people’s adventures? The other day on my friend's blog, she wrote, “Oh my gosh, I hate that girl Shannon from the Bachelor…she needs to get kicked off!!!” And “Sydney Bristow has the best job ever…CIA field agent! She’s awesome, let’s watch her for three hours tonight!”…instead of finding our own adventures. Or maybe we’re more interested in posting our adventures online to convince other people that we really are living the life….whether it be a happy marriage, life in a beach town, all the mission trips we go on…whatever.(Tribute to Alias though...great show.)
I got a little taste of adventure tonight when Pete and I decided to walk across
I’m all about bad weather because it is so dang exciting. The power might go out, and if it does, that forces us to action. Fill the bathtub, let the faucets drip, light some candles, snuggle under piles of blankets. Our own little adventure in our own little world, and one we’d love to share out loud someday.
January 25, 2009
Extraordinary feels far away, but everything is super-sized all around me, offering money and objects that please me and trends that will be buried this time next year. Grocery stores overwhelm me with their endless amounts of food and products, and at the restaurant I work in, food is thrown away in abundance because it’s against the law to take it home, for fear it will be used to feed hungry mouths outside the restaurant walls. What a waste and what a tragedy.
I want something so much more than all this abundance and waste. I want greatness and usefulness. I know where that lies, but I can’t seem to get there because I’m in this massive hole waiting for an answer as to where my life is going. There are walls all around me so I can’t go anywhere and I can’t start anything because I know I’m leaving soon, and I can’t stand the thought of starting something good and then leaving it behind. Or maybe I’m afraid to start?
I resolved to read the entire Bible this year, three or four chapters a day, and five on Sunday’s. For the first part of January, I was so excited about it, and always wanting to get into it. Slowly my excitement dwindled and now I haven’t read it in a week. I’m going to read the Word tonight. It’s a part of the Lord I want to learn more about, because He knows Everything there is to know about me.
I’ve said to the Lord: Anytime, Anywhere, Anyplace. He knows that I liked to plan and map things out….and although I love change itself, I don’t like unexpected change. I don’t want to make a habit out of bossing around the Lord, so I can’t come to expect He’ll do things my way. He knows where my heart is and I’m sure He’s waiting patiently to direct me. However, I’m stuck here in this winter waiting impatiently for an answer that I expect. What am I supposed to do with myself in the meantime?
If all there was in life was eating, sleeping, and checking the weather, we would be bored out of our minds. I’m bored already and it’s been a day. I think that Satan drives us to boredom for fear that we’ll experience something greater, more impulsively grand than just the daily grind of our American lives.
I desire to experience beauty again. That’s why I’m gun-ho about this road trip to
I always think that anywhere else is better than where I am. A few years ago back in
It feels good to think after experiencing a day where my husband was doing the thinking and I was doing the sleeping to escape the thinking. But the thinking his come, and I am glad.
Tribute to Donald Miller
If I could tell you, Donald Miller, that your book Through Painted Deserts was indeed a success, I hope you would believe me. I don't know why people in this century weren't led to read it as they saw it chilling on the bookshelf, but I think that in the coming years, it may be a discovered masterpiece. Thank you for keeping a few copies out there and only buying four for yourself...I appreciate that. Your books are fantastic, and your thoughts are priceless. Thanks Don :)
January 22, 2009
Dilemma’s. Am I in someone’s life for a reason? Is God behind the formation of all relationships? Definitely. He intricately forms everything with a purpose. Pete and I were on a walk yesterday discussing what God had in store for us this next summer, talking about Him as though He couldn’t hear us. All of a sudden, I realized that we were talking about the Lord of the Universe behind His back (although in a pleasant way) and quickly glanced up at the Heaven’s and reassured the Lord that we were speaking highly of Him…as if He didn’t know! How silly. Pete made a little puppet motion with his hand and said (imitating God), “You two think you got it all figured out! I already know what’s gonna happen!”
Next summer. I mean this summer. June- we’ve felt that we’re being lead to
I went into a dentist’s office the other day with guns blazing, ready to fight the battle to vindicate myself from their bold threats via letter to me. I owed them 50 cents, and I guess they sent numerous letters to my old address at the Polo Club to try to attain this money. It turns out I actually owed 13 dollars that my insurance didn’t cover (who knows why), but I didn’t know this until I was humiliated with the business owner’s kindness to me. I am such a defensive specimen. I remember women coming into Maurices, the same guns blazing, ready to alert the media of the crack in their planet, but when we associates killed them with kindness and a refund, they were struck dumb…but still, their guns blazed and their anger seeped out. Why? They came to our store with the intention of being angry, and when we took that from them, they didn’t know what else to do, so they feigned their anger the rest of the time. I want to take back the freedom of my emotions, and I think that’s why I was so embarrassed at the dentist office the other day…I was one of those women.
I am in love with the dot dot dot. It conveys my feelings at all times during this stage in my life…I am currently a dot dot dot in the universe.
I am ready for my cross-country road trip. Off to
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