There is so much I'm going to miss about the life we've made for ourselves in Springfield, Missouri. I've become friends with people I never would have thought, God placed us in an unlikely church that we've grown and learned from Continuously, and I've come to appreciate even more a slow and laid back lifestyle, even more so than college, Europe, or Chicago. I'll miss how close everything is from our doorstep, including Price Cutter and Callie, and I'll miss the slightly southern accents that bring a smile to my lips. I'll miss our best married friends, Ashley and Adam, and their kiddo Rambo, and our best unmarried friends, Callie, Ross, and Ben. What meaningful and honest relationships we've come across in this interesting first year of marriage.
At our church, I've learned so much from a man (and his wisdom from God) that doesn't know my name, will never know me, but has made such a huge impact on my ideas and thoughts about life as a follower of Jesus. The thoughts the Lord has instilled in Ben Pilgreen to share with the church have stretched me in ways I never thought I'd be stretched, and I feel so blessed to have learned the things I've learned, no matter how simple-minded they are! One thing I have learned just in my quiet times this week is- and this from Oswald Chambers, not Ben Pilgreen-
"One of the worst traps a Christian can fall into is to become obsessed with his own exceptional moments of inspiration. When the Spirit of God gives you a time of inspiration and insight, you tend to say, 'Now that I've experienced this moment, I will always be like this for God.' No, you will not, and God will make sure of that. Those times are entirely the gift of God. You cannot give them to yourself when you choose. If you say you will only be at your best for God, as during those exceptional times, you actually become an intolerable burden on Him."
Wow. I needed to read that last night as the thunderstorms were rolling in, and as I was for the first time in many days actually reading scripture. I used to have this mindset, and probably still do sometimes, that I need to better myself before I can go before the Lord. Like, if I can make myself more presentable to him, He'll accept me more, or love me more, or anything more- but the thing is, and the thing that was laid on Ben Pilgreen's heart and then my heart, is that we can never do Anything to make ourselves more presentable to Him. We are foul. We are sinners. We are grotesque in our very nature. But we are also Saved. And not by ourselves, not ever by ourselves, not in the times when we make up for lost time by reading chapters and chapters of His word, or volunteering at a shelter out of guilt, or praying for hours on end to make it right for the weeks we didn't say a word to Him. The thing is...all these things are Good, and we do need them. But none of these things make us more presentable to Him, because if they did, then we'd be saving ourselves. And if we could save ourselves, there would have been no need for Jesus to bear every single sin we'd ever commit.
So this is probably really fundamental stuff, but it's alluded me in some ways until now. And now that this "moment of inspiration" has hit me, I've also learned not to become obsessed with it. Sometimes I'll go weeks without any thoughts at all- no new revelations about Christ, no big problems to tackle, no changes that I can see that need to be made. And those times actually discourage me because I feel like I must not be doing something, because I'm not getting any good thoughts from God lately. When I think about it, it's in those times that I'm not reading any scripture or being challenged- usually in those times my greatest enemy is wasting time. Now, I also know it's possible to "be doing everything right" and still not get so-called inspirations. But for me, they connect really simply. When I get into His Word and talk to Him like He's my best friend and pour into others and get poured into, a whole lot more thoughts arise in me from Him. Coincidence?
Another thought, thanks to the inspirations of Ben Pilgreen :) is Baggage. Baggage in our lives, excess weight we're carrying around. What I never realized is that one of my pieces of luggage really is wasted time. It may not be sinful, but it often keeps me from who I could be or the things God is leading me to do. Wasting time causes me not to listen, not to search. I used to think that I couldn't do certain things because of the baggage of my past, but looking at Noah (alcoholic), David (adulterer), Abraham (liar), Moses (murderer), I'm pretty convinced they all had a TON of baggage but still managed to follow the Lord passionately, and He led them to their destinies, which we only see a clip of in the Bible, but their lives were worth something and so meaningful years and years later. And not because they were perfect. Had they not chosen to get rid of their baggage, they wouldn't have become who they did. Everyone has baggage except for One. And what's funny about that One with no baggage is that He actually chose to take everyone else's baggage. Hmmm.
I've been in airports a lot. Ben is right- after every flight, when you go to baggage claim, a voice repeats that you must be sure not to take anyone else's luggage, all luggage looks alike, and if you take anyone else's luggage, it's a criminal offense. All we usually have is one or two bags, and it's completely unconventional (and illegal, obviously) to take on anyone else's bags. If each of our bags represented the bad weight in our life, and we wanted to get rid of it but didn't know how, we'd lay awake at night rolling around in bed, tormented that we're being weighed down with all this heavy stuff. I am absolutely overwhelmed and amazed that Jesus came to the baggage claim, where all of earth waited on their weights, and took every single bag.
Thank you Jesus. Sounds cliche and fake, but thank you So Very Much.
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