In One Word...

In one word, my life these days could be defined as...

Daunting.

My schedule is simply ridiculous. I have been so busy being busy that I have been missing life! I have a wonderful friend who shared a wonderful quote with me last night.

"Real life takes precedence."

Real life should be taking precedence over email, Facebook, text, television shows, music, work etc. In my case, the little moments of life have been few and far between because of how busy I've kept myself. I LOVE real life. I could live every day just experiencing moments. How to get back there without quitting my 3 jobs? I'll let you know.

Here's another thing. I keep wondering what the difference is between my life now and in high school- besides being married. I was so crazy-busy in high school with sports, music, and grades, but I don't remember feeling too overwhelmed or circumstantially depressed. I remember feeling pretty carefree and blessed....maybe I'm having a senior moment and not remembering correctly, but that's what's coming to mind, so it is what it is. What's the difference? I figured it out today, sitting on my futon, getting my feet rubbed by my man, and talking it out. He's a fixer- and for once, I wanted a fixer, not just a listener!

In high school, I was being poured in to constantly. Now, I am pouring out constantly. In high school, I had my youth group leader encouraging me, my parents, and other role models who spurred me on. Basically, it was about me. Now, I'm the youth group leader, a parent to 9 teenagers at work, and as Pete put it, "at the top of my own chain." I don't have parents on this island who can pour in to me daily, and I don't really have a mentor to look up to. I long for one!

In so many ways, my husband gives himself to me through encouragement, faith, and long talks. My amazing roommate/friend/sister does the same, always pressing me and challenging me through accountability and conversation. I have Pete's family, who have become my own, that show their love for me at every opportunity. But...I think what it comes down to is that I need to find a woman who is older, experienced, and feeling led to mentor someone like me. I need to hear that I'm not the first one experiencing burnout at work, hard stages of marriage, convincing lies from the one who lives to bring me down, days of depression, and you know, just other normal woman stuff. I need a woman who can lift me up through scripture, who can speak in psalms and hymns, and who can understand me and get past the "getting to know you" stage. I need this. And I've been praying for it for a long time now.

The same friend who impacted me with the amazing quote from above also got me thinking about physical trainers. This particular friend broke her leg not too long ago, and as her physical trainer was trying to make her straighten it on her own, she looked him in the eye and said, "You suck!" She was totally serious, by the way. :)

I feel like I'm that despised physical trainer with my job every.single.day. I am trying to help teenagers get their lives on track by helping them learn independent life skills, get a job, go to school, be responsible, don't do drugs, yadda yadda. I care for them deeply and wish they knew. I wouldn't want to BE them, so I'm trying to help them out of the abuse and hatred they came from, and help them find a better life away from that. Love your neighbor as yourself, you know?

While we're on a learning track here, I also realized, with the help of my inspiring pastor, that Jesus had people issues too- and He was perfect. That has to mean something. It means a lot to me simply because I often feel misunderstood or unappreciated by my loved ones (doesn't everyone?) and it helps to realize that He's been there and done that to an even greater degree.

Life seems a little less daunting when I realize that the Lord has gone before me, and even more than that, is willing to accompany me through my own trials, which He has now been through thousands of times.

If that's not Love, I don't know what is.

And it is, after all, all about Love.