Well. What an adventure this move is turning out to be. Spending twenty five bucks to get back into our loft (that we locked ourselves out of on the first night), and then getting in free to a Cardinals vs. Giants baseball game the next night, this year is bound to be full of excitement.
While I'm thrilled to be starting this new endeavor with my new groom, I also find myself longing for my dear friends back in Springfield. Oddly enough, when I was unpacking today, I found "The Grace of Encouragement"day-brightener that my friend Callie gave to me this past year- and today's verse was precisely this: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18) My chin started to quiver as I thought of all that goodness we left behind. I remember watching our town, our friends, our 1st home all becoming smaller in the rear view mirrors of the Uhaul- and I remember wondering why we were leaving all that we came to love. Giving it up for love of family, love of adventure, love of God's direction...Give it up for Love right? I always wondered what certain Loves I'd come to find in my life :)
The night before the Big Move (what it will always be known as), our best friends came to help us load up the Uhaul. Adam, Ben, & Callie- three friends we've come to cherish and love as brothers and sisters. (Also Ashley, but she was working like grown-ups do.) We had a great time but there was also a nagging sense that this would be the last of great times in that context. Never again will we live as we have this past year- us girls starting out as roommates, the boys also roommates, and then staying a community as two of us got married. Never again will we live down the street from each other, or across the parking lot, freely going to each other's homes just for the company. Never have I had a circle of friends that know my soul as these friends do- everyone knowing each other in a truly spiritual sense. The only thing lacking in our friendship is longjevity, but it feels like we've known each other for years.
The morning of the Big Move, Ashley and Adam woke up early to come see us off. I'm not a crier, but I tell you what. These guys got it out of me. I shared a tear with Callie the night before, but when the moment came to leave, I was a river. The actual moment was so dramatic that I just couldn't help it. I cried when we all held hands in the parking lot of our first home, praying for each other's futures and our marriages. I cried as we drove away, moaning inaudibly, "This sucks!"- especially when Adam & Ashley rode next to us until it was time to turn onto the expressway. I couldn't imagine ever being happy in St. Louis, and all I wanted was to turn around and run back into my friend's arms.
Along the way, I fell asleep to wash my fears away. When I woke up, I felt a little more determined to see our move in a better light. And so far, it's been great. It's been a real journey with my best friend by my side, and seeing old friends who I'll get to know all over again. I think I can live knowing that my soulfriends in Springfield will always be there, and we'll never fall out of touch or out of love with each other. There is a promise for the future, after all.
"For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds."- Psalm 57:10
7.01.2009
6.15.2009
Awaiting the city shock to come
Culture shock is what’s going to be happening this time next month. Maybe just city shock, but either way, it’s going to affect both Pete and me. We’re moving from
There won’t be grass as far as the eye can see. When we look out our window, instead of seeing a beautiful golf course with a line of trees, we’ll see the old post office- a gray wall. When we step outside, we’ll be surrounded by metal and glass and cement. Was this such a good idea?
I used to LOVE the idea of living in a city. What appealed to me then? Nightlife- bustling- little cafes and coffee shops- shopping- neon lights- tall buildings- grandeur- artists. Unfortunately, when I view all that now, I see that those niceties require money.
I am going to miss my friends so much. And fresh air. And windows that open all the way. And a golf course view. And our church. And open spaces where I know I can breathe. And car rides...anywhere. And the loop that Pete and I walk almost daily. I’ll even miss the Olive Garden we work at- the people are amazing and they’ve become our friends. I’ll miss being able to see dark clouds rolling in. I’ll miss how friendly people are.
I won’t miss gross carpet. I’ll like taking an elevator to my loft (I think). I’ll enjoy the rooftop. I will love going to
I’ll have to learn the bus system. I’ll have to stop at traffic lights when I go on a run or walk. I’ll be giving a chunk of my schedule to family. I’ll have to adapt to living by family! I’ll have to find a new church. I’ll have to make new friends. I’ll have to get to know downtown. I’ll have to get used to city noises.
I know that we’re not supposed to stay in
Ultimately, deciding to live in downtown
The most comforting thought is that I’ll be doing all this not on my own- but with the love of my life and best friend and brother: Pete. And of course, my Savior will be leading us every step of the way. I hope he will especially be present when it comes to family matters.
This is going to be an experience.
------------------------------
Totally random side note. Today something happened to me that I've sometimes heard of happening to other people- but got to experience for myself the first time today. From the beginning, a detailed account:
I was trying to print off my wedding photography contract to send off to the bride. My printer ink must have been running low on black because it just wasn't working. Pete, my loving and patient man, tried helping me but I was frustrated and snapped at him. I told him I wasn't mad at him, just at the situation. I got frustrated So easily and fast! And I knew it. But it was just one of those moments.
I gave up and complied with the printer, making the ink blue. Next on my list was to take care of an unwarranted bill that a hospital keeps sending me. I got mad at them because of how unnecessary the whole process was (that keeps repeating itself). Then, like a cherry on top, I got angry with one of our Olive Garden managers for not helping us with some paperwork we needed.
I decided this was a good time to go the post office to mail out that contract- and to let off some steam, cool down, and most importantly, get me away from Pete before I snapped at him again. On my way there, I thought a sonic "happy hour" cherry limeade sounded great. I didn't look at the clock- I was sure it was past 2:00. I went through the drive through, ordered, and they gave me the full price instead of half off. When I pulled up to the window, I said, "Isn't it happy hour?" The girl said, "No, not yet." I looked at the clock and said, "Well, I guess I'll be back in 2 minutes then." She said, "Five." I said, "Oh, I guess our clocks are different." And I left. Um...I didn't return. Yes, I made a cherry limeade go to waste and I feel a little regretful of that. As I was leaving Sonic, I yelled, "This is a BAD DAY!!!" (In all fairness, it had only been a bad 30 minutes. What a drama queen.) Not even half a second later, this song came on the radio:
"Say hey, it's a good day. Even when things aren't going my way. Jesus is Lord and I am saved so, say hey, it's a good day."
Uhhhhhhhhhhh. What could I do? I smiled. And I knew it was true. I appreciated God's humor in that moment, because He knew how to get to me.
I proceeded to drive home, apologized to Pete, told him about the song that was sent to me, and treated him to a shake at DQ.
5.24.2009
Sweet Jesus Christ, my Sanity.
Well, it's been a while since any thoughts have emerged out of this mind. Funny how revelations come and go- didn't Paul say something about that? Maybe not- but I vaguely remember someone smart saying that spirituality and a relationship in general will always have its ups and downs and in-betweens.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
Working in such a high-stress environment such as Olive Garden has really been teaching me a lot lately. And getting to me a lot, and making me lose my patience, and making me want to quit. It sometimes fuels my hate for people- servers, customers, managers- and I resign to complaining. As of late, tips have been less than appealing, and people really just aren't as friendly. (And if they're super friendly, you know that's your tip!) Everything annoys me. People are always in my way. What an excuse to whine.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I could write a book about all of my crazy experiences in the restaurant business. All in good humor, of course. There's the lady who looks around for her glass of water, as it sits diagonal to her, and blankly looks at me and says, "Could I please have a glass of ice water? I'm parched." And then there's the table of 8 who are super friendly, polite, and low maintenance throughout the entirety of their meal- and of course I know why when I receive a $3.00 tip on a $78.00 ticket. And on the flip side, there's the table who is needy and peculiar and thinks they're my only table, but in the end, they leave me more than twenty percent. Oh, and did you know that ten percent is the new twenty percent? And of course- and these are my favorite- there are the people who think the salad comes free with the table.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I'll probably keep slipping up and keep slipping up, complaining about all these people who I often disdain (and for sure I used to be one), and I'll get mad at fellow servers for the inconvenience they've lent me, and the two seconds they've put me behind schedule. I'll long to get revenge on those servers who have disrespected me and left their personal food on my freshly cleaned table. I'll want to take a swing at the ones who steal my sugars right off my table, in front of my eyes, and when confronted about it, only say "I'll give you some sugar, heh heh heh."
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I, for sure, will not be Christlike when all these little annoyances happen. And I probably won't try because that is just the last straw. I quit. I'm done. I got yelled at by the temper-fit manager for the last time.
Or maybe- I could try?
Sincerely, it's going to take the Sweet Jesus Christ I've heard about my whole life to convince me of this possibility. To clear me of my insanity, and to bring me clarity. When I first started working at Olive Garden, I saw it as an opportunity to not only serve the people who come in to fill their stomachs, but to also get to know fellow servers on an intimate level. And then, all of a sudden, I just got too comfortable. Hearing everyone else complain about how awful this job was made it okay for me too, I guess. Or maybe it's just my own nature that makes it so easy.
I've learned that even though I may kill customers with my kindness, if I'm not doing it with love (true, pure love), it's nothing. "But if I have not love, I am nothing." Even though I don't like to admit to not learning things the first, second, or third time- it's true. It takes repetition and learning the hard way for me, almost every time. At work, it's hearing the negativity coming out of my mouth that stops me in my tracks and makes me rethink my mission at Olive Garden.
I'm only there for four more weeks. And then it's off to a new season of life- leaving behind best friends, our best married-friends, a place we've loved living for the past five or so years. The lessons I've learned here in the sticks of Missouri are amazing. I've completed college, started a business, and yeah, used my degree at Olive Garden. ;) I made incredible college friends, apartment friends, and connections that I hope will last a lifetime. I'm used to picking up and going off on new adventures, so leaving doesn't bother me. It's what we're leaving that makes me emotional. We are leaving something so good and entering something so unknown, and kinda hard. Going back to the my "home city", the STL, wasn't exactly in the plan, you know. It's actually going against the plan.
Oh well. It's not my plan anyway.
:)
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
Working in such a high-stress environment such as Olive Garden has really been teaching me a lot lately. And getting to me a lot, and making me lose my patience, and making me want to quit. It sometimes fuels my hate for people- servers, customers, managers- and I resign to complaining. As of late, tips have been less than appealing, and people really just aren't as friendly. (And if they're super friendly, you know that's your tip!) Everything annoys me. People are always in my way. What an excuse to whine.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I could write a book about all of my crazy experiences in the restaurant business. All in good humor, of course. There's the lady who looks around for her glass of water, as it sits diagonal to her, and blankly looks at me and says, "Could I please have a glass of ice water? I'm parched." And then there's the table of 8 who are super friendly, polite, and low maintenance throughout the entirety of their meal- and of course I know why when I receive a $3.00 tip on a $78.00 ticket. And on the flip side, there's the table who is needy and peculiar and thinks they're my only table, but in the end, they leave me more than twenty percent. Oh, and did you know that ten percent is the new twenty percent? And of course- and these are my favorite- there are the people who think the salad comes free with the table.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I'll probably keep slipping up and keep slipping up, complaining about all these people who I often disdain (and for sure I used to be one), and I'll get mad at fellow servers for the inconvenience they've lent me, and the two seconds they've put me behind schedule. I'll long to get revenge on those servers who have disrespected me and left their personal food on my freshly cleaned table. I'll want to take a swing at the ones who steal my sugars right off my table, in front of my eyes, and when confronted about it, only say "I'll give you some sugar, heh heh heh."
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity.
Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity.
I, for sure, will not be Christlike when all these little annoyances happen. And I probably won't try because that is just the last straw. I quit. I'm done. I got yelled at by the temper-fit manager for the last time.
Or maybe- I could try?
Sincerely, it's going to take the Sweet Jesus Christ I've heard about my whole life to convince me of this possibility. To clear me of my insanity, and to bring me clarity. When I first started working at Olive Garden, I saw it as an opportunity to not only serve the people who come in to fill their stomachs, but to also get to know fellow servers on an intimate level. And then, all of a sudden, I just got too comfortable. Hearing everyone else complain about how awful this job was made it okay for me too, I guess. Or maybe it's just my own nature that makes it so easy.
I've learned that even though I may kill customers with my kindness, if I'm not doing it with love (true, pure love), it's nothing. "But if I have not love, I am nothing." Even though I don't like to admit to not learning things the first, second, or third time- it's true. It takes repetition and learning the hard way for me, almost every time. At work, it's hearing the negativity coming out of my mouth that stops me in my tracks and makes me rethink my mission at Olive Garden.
I'm only there for four more weeks. And then it's off to a new season of life- leaving behind best friends, our best married-friends, a place we've loved living for the past five or so years. The lessons I've learned here in the sticks of Missouri are amazing. I've completed college, started a business, and yeah, used my degree at Olive Garden. ;) I made incredible college friends, apartment friends, and connections that I hope will last a lifetime. I'm used to picking up and going off on new adventures, so leaving doesn't bother me. It's what we're leaving that makes me emotional. We are leaving something so good and entering something so unknown, and kinda hard. Going back to the my "home city", the STL, wasn't exactly in the plan, you know. It's actually going against the plan.
Oh well. It's not my plan anyway.
:)
4.27.2009
The Great Baggage Claim
There is so much I'm going to miss about the life we've made for ourselves in Springfield, Missouri. I've become friends with people I never would have thought, God placed us in an unlikely church that we've grown and learned from Continuously, and I've come to appreciate even more a slow and laid back lifestyle, even more so than college, Europe, or Chicago. I'll miss how close everything is from our doorstep, including Price Cutter and Callie, and I'll miss the slightly southern accents that bring a smile to my lips. I'll miss our best married friends, Ashley and Adam, and their kiddo Rambo, and our best unmarried friends, Callie, Ross, and Ben. What meaningful and honest relationships we've come across in this interesting first year of marriage.
At our church, I've learned so much from a man (and his wisdom from God) that doesn't know my name, will never know me, but has made such a huge impact on my ideas and thoughts about life as a follower of Jesus. The thoughts the Lord has instilled in Ben Pilgreen to share with the church have stretched me in ways I never thought I'd be stretched, and I feel so blessed to have learned the things I've learned, no matter how simple-minded they are! One thing I have learned just in my quiet times this week is- and this from Oswald Chambers, not Ben Pilgreen-
"One of the worst traps a Christian can fall into is to become obsessed with his own exceptional moments of inspiration. When the Spirit of God gives you a time of inspiration and insight, you tend to say, 'Now that I've experienced this moment, I will always be like this for God.' No, you will not, and God will make sure of that. Those times are entirely the gift of God. You cannot give them to yourself when you choose. If you say you will only be at your best for God, as during those exceptional times, you actually become an intolerable burden on Him."
Wow. I needed to read that last night as the thunderstorms were rolling in, and as I was for the first time in many days actually reading scripture. I used to have this mindset, and probably still do sometimes, that I need to better myself before I can go before the Lord. Like, if I can make myself more presentable to him, He'll accept me more, or love me more, or anything more- but the thing is, and the thing that was laid on Ben Pilgreen's heart and then my heart, is that we can never do Anything to make ourselves more presentable to Him. We are foul. We are sinners. We are grotesque in our very nature. But we are also Saved. And not by ourselves, not ever by ourselves, not in the times when we make up for lost time by reading chapters and chapters of His word, or volunteering at a shelter out of guilt, or praying for hours on end to make it right for the weeks we didn't say a word to Him. The thing is...all these things are Good, and we do need them. But none of these things make us more presentable to Him, because if they did, then we'd be saving ourselves. And if we could save ourselves, there would have been no need for Jesus to bear every single sin we'd ever commit.
So this is probably really fundamental stuff, but it's alluded me in some ways until now. And now that this "moment of inspiration" has hit me, I've also learned not to become obsessed with it. Sometimes I'll go weeks without any thoughts at all- no new revelations about Christ, no big problems to tackle, no changes that I can see that need to be made. And those times actually discourage me because I feel like I must not be doing something, because I'm not getting any good thoughts from God lately. When I think about it, it's in those times that I'm not reading any scripture or being challenged- usually in those times my greatest enemy is wasting time. Now, I also know it's possible to "be doing everything right" and still not get so-called inspirations. But for me, they connect really simply. When I get into His Word and talk to Him like He's my best friend and pour into others and get poured into, a whole lot more thoughts arise in me from Him. Coincidence?
Another thought, thanks to the inspirations of Ben Pilgreen :) is Baggage. Baggage in our lives, excess weight we're carrying around. What I never realized is that one of my pieces of luggage really is wasted time. It may not be sinful, but it often keeps me from who I could be or the things God is leading me to do. Wasting time causes me not to listen, not to search. I used to think that I couldn't do certain things because of the baggage of my past, but looking at Noah (alcoholic), David (adulterer), Abraham (liar), Moses (murderer), I'm pretty convinced they all had a TON of baggage but still managed to follow the Lord passionately, and He led them to their destinies, which we only see a clip of in the Bible, but their lives were worth something and so meaningful years and years later. And not because they were perfect. Had they not chosen to get rid of their baggage, they wouldn't have become who they did. Everyone has baggage except for One. And what's funny about that One with no baggage is that He actually chose to take everyone else's baggage. Hmmm.
I've been in airports a lot. Ben is right- after every flight, when you go to baggage claim, a voice repeats that you must be sure not to take anyone else's luggage, all luggage looks alike, and if you take anyone else's luggage, it's a criminal offense. All we usually have is one or two bags, and it's completely unconventional (and illegal, obviously) to take on anyone else's bags. If each of our bags represented the bad weight in our life, and we wanted to get rid of it but didn't know how, we'd lay awake at night rolling around in bed, tormented that we're being weighed down with all this heavy stuff. I am absolutely overwhelmed and amazed that Jesus came to the baggage claim, where all of earth waited on their weights, and took every single bag.
Thank you Jesus. Sounds cliche and fake, but thank you So Very Much.
At our church, I've learned so much from a man (and his wisdom from God) that doesn't know my name, will never know me, but has made such a huge impact on my ideas and thoughts about life as a follower of Jesus. The thoughts the Lord has instilled in Ben Pilgreen to share with the church have stretched me in ways I never thought I'd be stretched, and I feel so blessed to have learned the things I've learned, no matter how simple-minded they are! One thing I have learned just in my quiet times this week is- and this from Oswald Chambers, not Ben Pilgreen-
"One of the worst traps a Christian can fall into is to become obsessed with his own exceptional moments of inspiration. When the Spirit of God gives you a time of inspiration and insight, you tend to say, 'Now that I've experienced this moment, I will always be like this for God.' No, you will not, and God will make sure of that. Those times are entirely the gift of God. You cannot give them to yourself when you choose. If you say you will only be at your best for God, as during those exceptional times, you actually become an intolerable burden on Him."
Wow. I needed to read that last night as the thunderstorms were rolling in, and as I was for the first time in many days actually reading scripture. I used to have this mindset, and probably still do sometimes, that I need to better myself before I can go before the Lord. Like, if I can make myself more presentable to him, He'll accept me more, or love me more, or anything more- but the thing is, and the thing that was laid on Ben Pilgreen's heart and then my heart, is that we can never do Anything to make ourselves more presentable to Him. We are foul. We are sinners. We are grotesque in our very nature. But we are also Saved. And not by ourselves, not ever by ourselves, not in the times when we make up for lost time by reading chapters and chapters of His word, or volunteering at a shelter out of guilt, or praying for hours on end to make it right for the weeks we didn't say a word to Him. The thing is...all these things are Good, and we do need them. But none of these things make us more presentable to Him, because if they did, then we'd be saving ourselves. And if we could save ourselves, there would have been no need for Jesus to bear every single sin we'd ever commit.
So this is probably really fundamental stuff, but it's alluded me in some ways until now. And now that this "moment of inspiration" has hit me, I've also learned not to become obsessed with it. Sometimes I'll go weeks without any thoughts at all- no new revelations about Christ, no big problems to tackle, no changes that I can see that need to be made. And those times actually discourage me because I feel like I must not be doing something, because I'm not getting any good thoughts from God lately. When I think about it, it's in those times that I'm not reading any scripture or being challenged- usually in those times my greatest enemy is wasting time. Now, I also know it's possible to "be doing everything right" and still not get so-called inspirations. But for me, they connect really simply. When I get into His Word and talk to Him like He's my best friend and pour into others and get poured into, a whole lot more thoughts arise in me from Him. Coincidence?
Another thought, thanks to the inspirations of Ben Pilgreen :) is Baggage. Baggage in our lives, excess weight we're carrying around. What I never realized is that one of my pieces of luggage really is wasted time. It may not be sinful, but it often keeps me from who I could be or the things God is leading me to do. Wasting time causes me not to listen, not to search. I used to think that I couldn't do certain things because of the baggage of my past, but looking at Noah (alcoholic), David (adulterer), Abraham (liar), Moses (murderer), I'm pretty convinced they all had a TON of baggage but still managed to follow the Lord passionately, and He led them to their destinies, which we only see a clip of in the Bible, but their lives were worth something and so meaningful years and years later. And not because they were perfect. Had they not chosen to get rid of their baggage, they wouldn't have become who they did. Everyone has baggage except for One. And what's funny about that One with no baggage is that He actually chose to take everyone else's baggage. Hmmm.
I've been in airports a lot. Ben is right- after every flight, when you go to baggage claim, a voice repeats that you must be sure not to take anyone else's luggage, all luggage looks alike, and if you take anyone else's luggage, it's a criminal offense. All we usually have is one or two bags, and it's completely unconventional (and illegal, obviously) to take on anyone else's bags. If each of our bags represented the bad weight in our life, and we wanted to get rid of it but didn't know how, we'd lay awake at night rolling around in bed, tormented that we're being weighed down with all this heavy stuff. I am absolutely overwhelmed and amazed that Jesus came to the baggage claim, where all of earth waited on their weights, and took every single bag.
Thank you Jesus. Sounds cliche and fake, but thank you So Very Much.
3.18.2009
Original Thought
I rarely finish books. I start a lot of them, but actually finishing them is another story. I am pleased to announce that I have successfully read, cover to cover, three books by Donald Miller. First, Blue Like Jazz. Second, Through Painted Deserts. And third, Searching For God Knows What. Donald Miller, you must write good books. :)
He really gets to the heart of the matter, and I love it. Everything, especially in Searching For God Knows What, are ideas and theories I feel I've been on the verge of...but he expressed them so clearly as to enlighten me on things I haven't yet thought. I'm stuck on this idea of Original Thought (which has nothing to do with Donald Miller)...Have I ever had a truly original thought? I mean really? Have I thought a thought that no one has ever thought before EVER in the history of the world? That would be fantastic if I someday do, or if I already have, but it's not on my top ten list of things to pursue this year. Yet. :)
I've written this before, but this is such a waiting time for me. My whole life I've been busy, busy, busy and this past winter has been Quiet. At this time last year I was planning my wedding, getting ready to graduate from college, working 35 hours a week, and had an hour long commute. Such a different time from right now. I think I've embraced this time of rest...because I know it's sure not going to last forever, and this time is fleeting. But at the same time, I think all people long to pour out and be poured in to, and to have day to day goals. The only thing I HAVE to do every week is go to work, and I only put an average of 25 hours toward that. All of my goals are far in the future, and any plans I make now will have to end by mid-June (which is when we pick up and move to St. Louis). I guess I just don't know how to wait patiently. And I'm not very good at being quiet. That sounds funny, but I'm truly not. There are times that I choose to be quiet...quiet times with the Lord, quiet walks in the woods, quiet sleeping...but being quiet for so long is something that I've struggled for. But maybe being Quiet and Resting aren't the same thing? I have so many ideas and so many dreams that I can't WAIT to pursue, and some of those are in St. Louis, and many are not...so this has also been a Planning time for me, as well as a time for rest. It's a time for dreaming and proposing ideas.
There is a time for every purpose under Heaven. This much I know to be true. :)
He really gets to the heart of the matter, and I love it. Everything, especially in Searching For God Knows What, are ideas and theories I feel I've been on the verge of...but he expressed them so clearly as to enlighten me on things I haven't yet thought. I'm stuck on this idea of Original Thought (which has nothing to do with Donald Miller)...Have I ever had a truly original thought? I mean really? Have I thought a thought that no one has ever thought before EVER in the history of the world? That would be fantastic if I someday do, or if I already have, but it's not on my top ten list of things to pursue this year. Yet. :)
I've written this before, but this is such a waiting time for me. My whole life I've been busy, busy, busy and this past winter has been Quiet. At this time last year I was planning my wedding, getting ready to graduate from college, working 35 hours a week, and had an hour long commute. Such a different time from right now. I think I've embraced this time of rest...because I know it's sure not going to last forever, and this time is fleeting. But at the same time, I think all people long to pour out and be poured in to, and to have day to day goals. The only thing I HAVE to do every week is go to work, and I only put an average of 25 hours toward that. All of my goals are far in the future, and any plans I make now will have to end by mid-June (which is when we pick up and move to St. Louis). I guess I just don't know how to wait patiently. And I'm not very good at being quiet. That sounds funny, but I'm truly not. There are times that I choose to be quiet...quiet times with the Lord, quiet walks in the woods, quiet sleeping...but being quiet for so long is something that I've struggled for. But maybe being Quiet and Resting aren't the same thing? I have so many ideas and so many dreams that I can't WAIT to pursue, and some of those are in St. Louis, and many are not...so this has also been a Planning time for me, as well as a time for rest. It's a time for dreaming and proposing ideas.
There is a time for every purpose under Heaven. This much I know to be true. :)
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